


Bumpy Road

by Alike



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: ALSO we are pretending Infinity War never happened, Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Just sketchy Hydra shit yk, M/M, Mpreg, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Pregnant Bucky Barnes, Unplanned Pregnancy, and it wont happen bc that’s sadness and drama I don’t want/need, not abo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-06-27 01:19:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 26,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15675135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alike/pseuds/Alike
Summary: Struggling to fully recover and remember his past now that he's finally out of Hydra's control, Bucky moves in with Steve and rediscovers the spectacular friendship they had before the war. This time, things are different; recent experiences changed their perspectives and now fuel emotions that build the friendship into something more. While something more is nice and all, they get much more than they bargained for upon discovering Bucky’s somehow gotten pregnant.





	1. Sunshine

"Did you want one or two?"  
  
"Eh, one I guess."  
  
"I'm gonna give you two."  
  
"Then why'd you ask?"  
  
Cracking another egg into the pan, Steve looked over his shoulder at the man sitting at the table. "Thought you'd say two. You know you need it."  
  
"I don't, not really." Bucky licked his finger and flipped the page of the newspaper.  
  
He had lost a bit of weight living on his own in Romania. With the help of Steve and Sam, he learned how to properly build up the muscle again. That included eating full meals and not overdoing himself at the gym. Bucky wasn't fond of these rules.  
  
Steve hummed as he pushed the eggs around the pan. "You still wanna go to the park today?"  
  
"Is it just us or is Sam gonna come too?"  
  
The blonde rolled his eyes. "No, it's just us. Why are you so against him all the time?"  
  
“C’mon, don’t tell me you haven’t noticed how he’s always trying to push me aside.” Newspaper crumpled in his hand. “It’s like he’s jealous of me! I mean we’ve been friends for years and he’s only just come in so he’s probably threatened.”  
  
Steve let out a hearty laugh as he leaned over the stove and flicked off the burner. “Sounds like you’re the jealous one!”  
  
Bucky’s eyebrows raised. “Me? What do I have to be jealous about?”  
  
“No idea. You’re the one who lives with me, he’s not gonna take that from ya.” Steve shot Bucky a sly look as he slid the eggs onto his plate. “I mean there were those few magnificent years we had before you came along…”  
  
“Oh shut up!” With a laugh, Bucky gave Steve a playful punch to the arm.  
  
“Man that was pretty weak, Buck! Make sure you eat all your eggs.” Steve teased as he sat down at other side of the oval table.  
  
“Yeah yeah yeah.” Bucky mumbled before shoving a forkful of his scrambled eggs into his mouth.

-

Sweet springtime air blew through Bucky’s hair as he ran. The park was quiet, spacious, and even had a running track. Steve had discovered it specifically for Bucky. He knew he didn’t want attention, especially with his recent reputation. Even though Steve had worked things out with the Avengers and the law, they still felt estranged from the group back in New York. DC was their home for now. Besides, you couldn’t find a woodsy park this empty anywhere in Manhattan.  
  
“Getting tired already?” Joked Bucky as Steve slowed his pace.  
  
“Nope.” Steve beamed. “Just wanted to say hi.”  
  
Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Oh really? Are you sure it’s not because I’m too slow for you?”  
  
“Hey! Of course not!” Jogging into Bucky’s path, he slowed to a stop. “I just think that…”  
  
Steve’s words trailed off, his train of thought derailing completely. Where Bucky stopped, the light shone through the newly green trees and rested on his soft brunette head. Grey-blue eyes shimmered between blinks, and Steve found himself melting into them. The moment felt like an eternity.  
  
“Hell-ooo?” The glowing man waved a hand in front of Steve.  
  
“Huh? Oh, no yeah I just,” Steve rubbed the back of his neck, “I was getting a little tired, that’s why I slowed down.”  
  
Bucky scoffed. “Yeah, bullshit.” He stepped around Steve and ran off.  
  
“Buck,” Steve sighed, turning around and calling after him. “Bucky!”  
  
He watched the man run away. His hair bouncing with each step and his shoulders broad and square. Steve blinked. _What the hell was that?_ Bucky continued running off, then around the curving path and out of Steve’s sight. _What _was_ that?_  
  
It wasn’t long before Steve caught up with him, he was at the ice cream truck. When Bucky noticed the blonde had followed him, he awkwardly turned away, as if he would unsee him.  
  
“Ice cream, huh?” Steve said as he approached Bucky.  
  
“I… thought I’d treat myself.”  
  
“No I get it. It’s been a while since you’ve been able to indulge in life.” He shoved his hand in his pocket and pulled out his wallet. “Pick anything you want, on me.”  
  
The brunette looked at him strangely. “What is this? Trying to get me to bulk up still?”  
  
Steve groaned. “No, Buck, Jesus. I just want to treat you to something. I was like this too when I came back, wanted to enjoy things I wasn’t able to before.” He shrugged. “I wished you were there with me back then. I just want to be here for you now. I’m sorry for being so aggressive about it, but I gotta make sure you’re adjusting okay and eating right. Nobody did that for me.”  
  
A moment passed, then Bucky cracked a thin smile. “Alright. In that case, I want a vanilla cone.”  
  
Steve raised an eyebrow. “No toppings?”  
  
“Fine. Sprinkles.”  
  
They laughed and Steve pulled Bucky into a hug. In that moment everything felt alright. Once Bucky got his cone, they walked back through the park, cherishing the patches of sunshine. For Bucky, it was to keep him warm since it may have been a little too cold for ice cream. For Steve, it was so he could see Bucky glow in the light. _What the hell is this?_


	2. Thursday

Bucky had become accustomed to a nice routine Steve had set up for them. It helped with getting used to normal life again, Steve knew that. On Thursdays they had Chinese food, watched a show on the couch, showered, then went to bed.  
  
“Sweet and sour or sesame?” Bucky asked as he held his hand over the phone.  
  
“Sesame. With rice, please.” Steve replied, folding clothes he just brought back from the building’s laundry room.  
  
Bucky relayed the order into the phone then promptly hung up without another word. He leaned on his hip and folded his arms. “Y’know, for all that you spend on this place, you should have your own washer and dryer in here.”  
  
“Yeah?” Steve laughed. “And you should say ‘thank you’ or ‘goodbye’ before you hang up on someone.”  
  
Bucky couldn’t help but chuckle. “You’re right, you’re right.”  
  
Delivery came later on and Steve answered it, paying the man for the food before Bucky could notice.  
  
“Hey, it was my turn to get dinner!” He said, standing up from his seat.  
  
“You called in the order,” Steve shrugged cheekily, “thought I’d pay for it when it got here.”  
  
“No fair!” Bucky laughed, climbing over the couch and racing to the dining table.  
  
Steve smiled as he set down the bag, watching Bucky eagerly pull out the takeout containers. He was going to make a comment, probably ‘hungry, huh?’ but he stopped himself; he knew it would just make Bucky upset.  
  
“How’s the lo mein?” He asked as he forked his sesame chicken.  
  
Mouth full, Bucky nodded and managed to mumble a quick “s’great” around his food.  
  
Even with noodles hanging from his lips, Steve couldn’t keep his eyes off of Bucky. Something had changed since that day at the park. It wasn’t the first time Steve saw the man with hair bathed in sunshine or his smile wide as he ate ice cream, but still it all felt different. Was it a good kind of different? Definitely.  
  
Soon they were on the couch and Steve found himself inches away from Bucky. Their show came on but he could hardly pay attention to it. Instead, he stared at Bucky’s hand, longing for something he didn’t fully understand. A breeze blew through the cracked window across the room, chilling the two men.  
  
“You want me to close that?” Steve asked, already leaning out of his seat to get up.  
  
“No no, I’m closer.” Bucky pushed himself up and went over to the window.  
  
After shutting it, he grabbed a blanket from the armchair and settled back into the couch, spreading the throw over himself. He turned to Steve, who was already looking at him.  
  
“What? You want some?” Without waiting for an answer, he repositioned the blanket so that their laps were the most covered they were going to get. “Ah, it’s too small.”  
  
“It’s alright, I don’t need that much.”  
  
“Bull, I saw you shiver.” Bucky wiggled himself to the side, scooting so close to Steve that their legs and shoulders were touching. But he didn’t stop there. He crept closer, to the point where they were practically in a cuddle.  
  
Steve’s heart pounded, and he worried Bucky would feel it against his shoulder that was resting on his chest. Warmth ran through him now, but it was wrapped in uneasiness. “Hey uh, are you comfortable like this?”  
  
“Hm?” Bucky turned his head to the side, peering back at Steve. “Oh, yeah. Are you?”  
  
Steve gulped. “I am.”  
  
What more could be said? _’This feels like cuddling and I kind of like it’?_ Steve slowed his breathing and tried to relax, tried to focus on the show and not on the gentle movements Bucky made to get even more comfortable against him. He was so warm and calm and sweet. After a while, Steve found himself lowering his head into the back of the couch. Combined comfort and tiredness from the day took over and soon, he fell asleep there.

-

The blonde woke up to a particularly loud commercial. Drowsily, he reached for the remote and turned off the TV. He closed his eyes again and took a deep breath before stretching. It was then that he noticed Bucky was asleep on his chest, hair tousled against his shirt. He glanced at the clock. _12:48. Shit, it’s too late to shower._  
  
Steve looked down at Bucky again, giving him a nudge. “Hey, Buck?” He said quiet enough not to startle him awake.  
  
“Steve?” Bucky mumbled groggily, slowly stirring.  
  
“It’s late, Bucky, you gotta go to bed.”  
  
“No no no… I’ve gotta shower…”  
  
Steve hummed with a smile, gently moving to get Bucky up. “You can shower in the morning. You don’t have any plans, do you?”  
  
“Not that I can think of.” Bucky grumbled as he brought himself to his feet, wrapping the blanket around his whole body.  
  
“Alright, c’mon then.”  
  
Bare feet shuffled on the hardwood floor as the two men headed down the hall. Steve walked on past Bucky’s room to get to his own, but stopped when he heard the brunette speak behind him.  
  
“Hey, Steve?”  
  
“Yeah?” He turned around.  
  
The blanket had fallen down his shoulders and Steve could see Bucky nervously playing with his fingers. “I’m sorry about that.”  
  
“About what?”  
  
“The… what happened on the couch. It was weird and I’m sorry.”  
  
Steve blinked, tilting his head. “No, no it wasn't weird. It’s okay.”  
  
“I just… I liked the closeness, y’know?” Bucky chewed on his lip. “It helps with the stress. I mean… I cant remember the last time I fell asleep that easily, or slept that good.”  
  
Steve’s mouth open, words fell out before he could think about them. “Do you want me to sleep with you tonight?”  
  
Bucky gasped audibly, probably more than he wanted to. It was unexpected. It was crazy. It was a pretty good idea. “Y-yeah. If… if you want to.”  
  
“I do.” Steve replied almost too quickly.  
  
“Well, uh… alright.” Bucky turned into the doorway, leaving an absolutely dumbfounded Steve in the hall.  
  
Soon, he did follow the man into his room and into bed, getting settled under the cool covers. The bed wasn’t as big as it could have been; the two were in close quarters, but Bucky didn’t seem to mind.  
  
As he nestled into the sheets, Steve turned to him. “Do… do you want me to hold you?”  
  
“Um, just… whatever makes you comfortable.”  
  
“Okay.” Steve snuggled close to the man, his best friend, his nose buried in his hair.  
  
With Bucky in his arms, things felt alright. The moments of bliss these past few weeks were suddenly understood. He was falling in love with Bucky. This realization was more than pleasant; it was magnificent and eye-opening, but there was still the matter of Bucky’s feelings. There was no way to know, laying there in that bed with him, if Bucky felt the same way about him or if he just needed comfort from a friend.  
  
This thought burdened Steve long after Bucky fell asleep. It kept him from enjoying the smell of his hair and the softness of his skin under his fingers. He shook it the best he could and concentrated on the moment. _Who knows if he’ll wake up tomorrow and decide it was a mistake?_ Another thought, a terrible thought. Steve shut his eyes tight and forced the thoughts out of his mind. Tomorrow didn’t matter so long as he had this.


	3. Downpour

When Steve awoke, he was alone in Bucky’s bed. _Okay, so that wasn’t a dream._ He looked around before dropping his head back into the pillow. Just a moment later, a barely clad and wet haired Bucky walked into the room with his toothbrush sticking out of his mouth. A loosely situated towel was sitting low on his hips and nearly fell down when he jumped back at the surprise that Steve was awake and seeing him like this.  
  
“Oh!” He exclaimed before quickly turning right around out of the room. “I didn’t know you were awake.”  
  
“It’s okay, I just woke up.” Steve called into the hallway as he pushed himself up from the bed.  
  
After a quick trip to the bathroom where he spit out his toothpaste, Bucky walked back into the room. This time, his towel was redone so that it was tighter and higher up on his body. “Sleep okay?”  
  
“Yeah. And you?”  
  
“Fucking great.” He smiled. “I haven’t slept that good since the last time Hydra knocked me out and froze me.”  
  
Steve laughed, looking down at his hands. “Sorry I was so close, it's only a full size bed after all.”  
  
“Don’t worry about it. Next time we’ll do yours. It’s a queen, right?”  
  
His heart rose. _Next time_. “Sure, that sounds good.”  
  
Bucky was rummaging through his dresser to gather an outfit. “And… that’s alright with you?”  
  
“Yeah, Buck. I’m glad I could help you out.”  
  
“Me too, I… I definitely needed that. Thanks, Steve.”  
  
The blonde smiled. “Anytime.”  
  
Holding his clothes, Bucky smiled back. “So, what do you want to do today? Or this weekend in general?”  
  
Steve threw the blankets off and brought himself to his feet. “No idea. Wanna check the paper while I take a shower?”  
  
“Yeah, sure.” Bucky tossed his clothes on the bed as Steve walked out to the bathroom.  
  
After letting the water run and warm up, Steve stepped into the stream. There were so many things to think about, he knew this was going to be a long shower. He thought about Bucky. About how sweetly he slept against his chest. About the smell of his hair. About how comfortable he was in his arms. About next time. About how Bucky might be feeling about it all. About the possibility that it didn’t mean anything serious to him. About their embrace being nothing more than therapy.  
  
“Steve?” Bucky called from outside the door and Steve snapped out of his trance.  
  
Water running over his face, Steve shook his head. “Huh? What’s up?”  
  
“Farmers market starts tomorrow. Wanna do that?”  
  
“Yeah, that sounds good. What about today?”  
  
“There’s a couple good movies out. We could walk to the theater and maybe hit the dog park on the way back?”  
  
Bucky loved dogs. Going to the park and seeing all kinds of em running around and playing together warmed his heart and calmed his nerves.  
  
“Alright, you wanna pick the movie then?” Steve said as he squeezed some shampoo into his hand.  
  
“Don’t you want a say? I mean I could pick some super lame movie and you’d be stuck with it...”  
  
Lathering his hair, Steve let out a laugh that echoed in the small bathroom. “Go nuts!”

-

After a simple breakfast, the men headed out of the apartment and made their way to the theater. Along the way, the weather took a sudden turn. Clouds moved in and the sky rumbled as it darkened.  
  
“Didn’t happen to read the weather in the paper, did you?” Steve joked as he and Bucky rushed into the building to escape the impending rain.  
  
“Is this coming from the guy who brags about always have an umbrella nearly everywhere he goes?”  
  
“Ha ha ha.” Steve said sarcastically. “You get in line for the tickets and I’ll get the popcorn. Wait, did you still want some? I mean we just had breakfast.”  
  
“Psh. Any meal on a movie day isn’t complete without popcorn.”  
  
Steve smiled. “Of course.”  
  
While on the concession line, Steve glanced over to Bucky. Eagerness was all over his face; it was obvious he picked something ridiculous. Accompanied with this eagerness was a look of… _What is that? Is he… blushing?_ Bucky was conversing with the ticket lady. She said something to him, and he blushed while he responded. As Steve stared, Bucky shot a glance to him then smiled before taking his tickets and heading over to meet his friend.  
  
“What was that?” Steve asked, handing him his drink.  
  
“Huh?” Bucky picked at the bag of popcorn in Steve’s arm. “That? Yeah she said I looked handsome.”  
  
“Oh really?”  
  
“You denying that, punk?”  
  
“Not exactly.” Steve tensed, not sure of where to go with this.  
  
Bucky tilted his head. “So you do think I’m handsome?”  
  
“Sure, Buck.” Steve added a laugh, hopefully to make the comment seem more casual. “You’re handsome.”  
  
The two men stood there, practically flirting. Steve glanced behind Bucky and saw the woman at the ticket counter flash a wide grin. He knew the brunette was handsome, but after seeing that, he doubted that’s what she actually told him. _We do look cute together._  
  
Bucky had picked a goofy rom-com. Steve remembered seeing commercials for it, but had no desire to see it. The plot revolved around one of the most cliche situations, one that had been the center of movies for decades: man falls in love with beautiful girl friend he’d least expected to. It seemed a little familiar. Steve wondered if Bucky did this on purpose. This in mind, the movie was a lot more bearable.

-

Walking out of the theater, Steve felt hopeful. _Bucky picked that movie for a reason._ Thoughts from the morning had faded away and been replaced with confidence in reciprocation of his feelings. When they came into view of the street, they saw the heavy downpour.  
  
“No dog park then. But now what?” Bucky asked, zipping up his jacket in preparation.  
  
Steve was already popping his hood over his head. “I guess we get a cab. Ready?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Into the rain they went, arms out and waiting for a taxi to come by. They were scarce in this area of the city. Unlike in Manhattan, the yellow cars were hard to come by. Drenched by the rain, they waited. It seemed like forever. Bucky kept his metal arm tucked into his chest, covered by his jacket which soon became soaked. Eventually, a cab pulled over and they got in, sopping wet clothes and all. While telling the driver the address, Steve noticed Bucky shivering.  
  
“Shit,” the brunette mumbled, “how did it get so damn cold out?”  
  
Seeing the opportunity, Steve leaned over and pulled Bucky close to him, wrapping the shivering man in his arms. “Better?”  
  
After a moment or two, Bucky stopped shivering, Steve’s warmth spreading to him as well.  
  
“Yeah, thanks.” Bucky replied, still keeping his head upright.  
  
It wasn’t until the car started moving that Bucky fully relaxed, letting his head rest against Steve’s chest. The position was nearly identical to their cuddle the previous night on the couch. On his arm, Steve could feel Bucky’s heart pounding, almost hear it even.  
  
“Are you okay?” He finally asked.  
  
Bucky, obviously alarmed at the question, tensed. “Yeah.” He said quietly.  
  
Steve gave him a gentle squeeze. “Are you sure?”  
  
This was unlike Steve, who was well aware that he was pushing boundaries, if there even were any. He had remained passive this whole time, but now he wanted to make a move. His hand reached up and brushed under Bucky’s chin, guiding it to face him. Droplets of water running down his face and his eyes big, Bucky looked up at him; he didn’t blink, just subtly raised his eyebrows.  
  
Going all in, Steve slid his hand along the side of his neck to hold him at the back. From there, he gently and slowly pulled the man closer to him. Soon their faces were closer than ever, and Bucky made the final move, pressing his lips against Steve’s in a grand reveal of his affection. He couldn’t even be taken back, he knew it was coming and he loved every second of this ballet on their mouths.  
  
When they broke apart, both of their eyes were still closed. They didn’t look for a moment, just stayed like that until Steve’s lashes fluttered open to see Bucky smiling at him, absolutely smitten. They both were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter!!! The story is FINALLY moving along! Enjoy guys :)


	4. Steady

Turning point after turning point set their blossoming relationship into motion. Steve convincing Bucky to move in with him instead of leaving the country to recover, developing a crush in the park, falling asleep together, and sharing a kiss in the taxi. Things became more and more comfortable over the coming weeks. They held hands at the farmers market, they flirted with much more meaning, and they went on dates. One date in particular was the most memorable; Bucky had planned it all out and refused to give Steve any hints.  
  
“Okay, we’re almost there.” Bucky grinned as they walked hand in hand through the city.  
  
A pink haze had descended onto the horizon, a rare and delightful sight since the last few days had been cloudy and bleak. The men made the most of it, staying inside and watching movies one day, and going to the gym with Sam on another. Neither of them thought it was a good idea to bring anything up to him yet. It was all so new and even they were still getting used to it.  
  
When they came into the restaurant, a little Italian deli, Bucky was greeted by the owner and they were led to a private dining room. Steve pulled out Bucky’s chair and let his date sit.  
  
Coming to his own chair, he laughed and shook his head. “Wow, Buck. How did you pull this off?”  
  
Bucky shrugged nonchalantly. “Made some calls, pulled a few strings.”  
  
Candles sat on every other surface in the room, providing a gentle ambience in addition to the dimly lit chandelier above them. A bottle of red wine was reclined in a shiny aluminum chiller on the small table beside theirs.  
  
Steve looked around for a menu, but there was none. “Are… we not eating?”  
  
Just as he spoke, a waiter came out and set down two bowls on their table. “Gentlemen, your appetizer. Chilled pasta salad with sun dried tomatoes and spinach.”  
  
Steve looked down at his food, the vinaigrette adding an enticing gloss that flickered as the candles did. “You set all this up?”  
  
“Actually, the courses are all the owner’s choice.”  
  
“Still! This is amazing, Bucky, really.”  
  
The waiter cleared his throat. “Wine?”  
  
Looking to each other, they shrugged. “Yeah, just a little.” Steve said as he put forward his glass. “Buck?”  
  
“Why not?” His date replied with a smile.  
  
The dark red liquid elegantly splashed into the glass as it was poured, letting off its sweet aroma. After pouring Steve’s, the waiter ducked out of the room, leaving the men in their romantic solitude.  
  
While Steve took a sip right away, he noticed Bucky swirling his glass, nose at the brim and eyes gently fluttering. “Oh, are you some kind of connoisseur?” He said with a chuckle.  
  
“Most definitely.” Bucky teased. “I happen to know you can impress dates by pretending the cheap wine is fancy and acting like your taste is superior. I’ve seen people smell it like this.”  
  
Steve tilted his head with a curious smile. “So is this cheap wine?”  
  
Bucky laughed. “Of course not, but it smells just like any other!”  
  
The men shared a toast along with many laughs and smiles. Steve finished his pasta, which he noticed was pleasantly portioned; Bucky even finished it all, too. Once their bowls were empty, the waiter came in to take them. He left again, then returned with two plates, each steaming, and announced the food as he set them down.  
  
“Parmesan crusted salmon with scalloped potatoes.”  
  
Steve marveled at his plate. Apparently, it was all food the deli served anyway, just arranged nicely instead of dropped into a take out container with a plastic spoon. From the intricately stacked potatoes, which were thinly sliced and drizzled with gravy, to the delicate sprig of rosemary atop the glistening salmon, olive oil still slightly crackling, Steve still couldn’t believe it wasn’t officially gourmet.  
  
“And this is a _deli_?” He shook his head in amazement. “How did you even know they did stuff like this?”  
  
“Well let me think…” Bucky pushed his lips to the side as he hummed thoughtfully, then released them into a smile. “Wait, have you not realized this is the place we got those amazing sandwiches from after the gym? Benny’s Deli?”  
  
Steve’s eyebrows furrowed, then jumped up. “You’re kidding! I didn’t even recognize it!”  
  
“I mean, it was months ago, but we still walk past it whenever we leave the gym.”  
  
Taken back, Steve leaned into his chair as he took a sip of his wine. “Cheers, Buck. You’re the most thoughtful boyfriend a guy could ask for.”  
  
Bucky blinked. “Wait, really?”  
  
“Yeah, of course!” For a moment, he didn’t realize what Bucky was so surprised about. It wasn’t until he looked at him again that he saw the sweetness on his face. “Oh shit, I never asked you, did I?”  
  
“Never asked _me_? I was gonna ask _you_ , ya punk! What do you think this fancy date was for!?”  
  
Steve nearly spit out his wine. “Jeez, Bucky! I had no idea!”  
  
They laughed for a moment before they fell back into a sweet silence. Bucky licked his lips, as if to start speaking, but stopped just after he opened his mouth. Steve watched this with confused anticipation.  
  
“You should say it.” He said finally.  
  
“Me?” Steve exclaimed. “You set up this whole thing!”  
  
Bucky shrugged. “As far as I know, you’ve never asked anyone before.”  
  
Steve raised his chin, a little embarrassed but mostly grateful that Bucky offered this opportunity. “Buck, will you go steady with me?”  
  
Blush spreading on his cheeks, Bucky grinned. “Sure, punk.”  
  
Steve reached across the table and took Bucky’s hand in his. “You’re amazing. Thank you.”  
  
“It was nothing. I’m glad we’re doing this. All of this. I think it’s helping with everything. I… I remembered something this morning.”  
  
Steve leaned forward, squeezing his hand gently. “What was it?”  
  
“We got pizza one day. Just me an’ you. I think we had to be young, maybe 15? 16? You met me there and you had just come from the doctor with your arm in a sling. It was from… from…”  
  
“C’mon, you almost have it.”  
  
“A fall? Yeah, yeah you fell doing... something…” Silent for a moment, Bucky’s face began to scrunch. “I had it this morning, Steve, I did!”  
  
“It’s okay, Buck. You don’t have to remember all of it.”  
  
“No, I wrote it down. I wrote it down so I would remember it better. It’s in my pocket but I don’t wanna look.”  
  
In his first few months back in society, Bucky saw a therapist. He taught him methods of both recovering and retaining his memories. Steve often saw him practicing these methods at home, scribbling down notes and talking to himself whenever he remembered something, no matter how small or historically insignificant.  
  
“It was a cat.” Bucky said finally. “You fell out of a tree getting a cat. It… it wasn’t even someone’s pet, it was just a stray.”  
  
Steve’s lips curled upwards. “What else? What happened at the pizza place?”  
  
Pressing the heel of his hand to his forehead, Bucky hummed. “You… spilled something? No! You dropped your pizza on your lap trying to eat it with one hand and the cheese slid off and fell on your tan pants!”  
  
“My mom was so mad.” Steve said with a laugh.  
  
Bucky’s forehead wrinkled. “No she wasn’t… She never knew because we washed them in a leaky fire hydrant- the one right in the corner.”  
  
Steve raised his eyebrows, smiling even wider. “I actually forgot about that.”  
  
Bucky grinned proudly. “I remembered it because you walked home in your underwear since you got the pants all soaking wet. I gave you my shirt to wear around your waist.”  
  
Steve burst into laughter. “Oh yeah! It was like a skirt, I was swimming in it!”  
  
They both laughed, eyes lost in one another’s.  
  
Bucky looked down at their food and hummed. “Let’s eat before it gets cold, this looks too good to wait any more!”  
  
“Agreed, and let’s have some more wine, can’t let it go to waste on such a special occasion.”  
  
“Oh definitely.”  
  
Bucky held out his glass and Steve poured a tall one for him and then for himself. They toasted once more before they finally started eating, humming in delight at the exciting flavors and tastes. The food was incredible and the wine was a perfect pairing, it made Steve wonder why Benny wasn’t working in a fancy restaurant uptown. Nonetheless, they savored each bite and valued their privacy when they got a little sloppy. Pleasantly intoxicated, Steve ended up spilling some gravy on his lap, causing Bucky to burst into laughter at the irony. Listening to his boyfriend’s infectious laugh, Steve laughed along, just melting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL. This part of the story was supposed to be way shorter, but I got carried away! I actually had to split it into two chapters... keep an eye out for the next one, it should be published within the next 12 hours since it’s already like half done. Thanks everyone for your comments and suggestions!


	5. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***** I PUBLISHED TWO CHAPTERS BACK TO BACK! GO AND READ CHAPTER 4 IF YOU HAVEN’T!*****
> 
>  
> 
> Aaaah I couldn’t wait to post it since I ended up finishing it a lot sooner than I thought!  
> Also I haven’t written a detailed sex scene in YEARS so bear with me lol (if you wanna skip the smut, scroll right to the end for something cute and kinda important!)

Drinking and eating and laughing, the men enjoyed their night out right up until the last bite of their shared dessert. The empty bottle of wine stood on the table between them, providing the realization that they were much more than tipsy. After Bucky paid the bill he was so insistent on taking care of, Steve called for a cab and they left the little deli.  
  
Stumbling up the stairs to their apartment, they saw how early it still was. They threw around some ideas, things they could do with the rest of the Saturday night, but nothing exciting was practical and nothing practical was exciting. Finally, they decided to plop onto the couch and rest. Only there wasn’t much resting.  
  
Steve ran his hand up under the back of Bucky’s shirt, grasping at his skin as he pulled him closer with each breathy kiss. Soon, that shirt was on the floor and Steve’s followed suit along with even more articles of clothing. With nothing but underwear on now, they pawed at each other’s members through the fabric.  
  
As he gently pulled away from his business on Bucky’s neck, Steve sat up. “Whaddaya wanna do?”  
  
Eyes still closed, Bucky reached out to bring Steve back down to him. “Fuck, I think.”  
  
“Yeah, me too but who’s gonna…” He trailed off.  
  
“Do the fuckin’?”  
  
“I mean… I’m okay with either. I dunno, I haven’t really thought about it too hard.”  
  
Bucky wiggled onto his side and pushed himself up. “Here, lemme do it. Unless you left some stuff outta your story, ‘m pretty sure you’re a little too underexperienced.”  
  
Steve blushed. “Yeah… you sure you’re okay with all this? It’s real different than with a girl, that I know.”  
  
Scoffing, Bucky slid down his underpants and kicked them off his ankles. “If all I gotta do is thrust, I think we’ll be fine.”  
  
All wasn’t fine. Bucky looked down at himself and noticed his significant lack of an erection. He awkwardly turned away and stroked himself in an attempt to get it up. Swaying as he stood there, he let out some frustrated grunts and curse-laden mumbles to himself. Moments later, he turned back around to Steve.  
  
“Baby I can’t get it up, it’s gotta be the alco…”  
  
It was no surprise Bucky trailed off. There was Steve standing before him, completely naked and his cock standing straight up. He stared for a moment, eyes wide as they could be, at his boyfriend’s body. Steve hadn’t noticed, but he was standing tall, his shoulders broad and legs apart. Maybe, if even subconsciously, he was asserting himself in the most natural way possible.  
  
“Guide me. Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.” The blonde said cooly, eyes locked on his lover’s.  
  
Bucky, still in shock at the sheer size of it, nodded and stepped forward. “Shit… Guess that serum made you a second super soldier, huh?”  
  
“This wasn’t from the serum.” Steve said with a smirk.  
  
Bucky let out a wheezing laugh. “Hell, if the girls back then knew about this, you’dve had a lot more dates!”  
  
“Shh.” Steve leaned in and resumed kissing his boyfriend, pulling him down onto the couch.  
  
“Here,” Bucky began, “I wanna look at you while you screw me.”  
  
Steve nodded and let Bucky get into position, down on his back with his legs apart. The brunette directed him to lick his fingers to wet the area, then to push them inside his tight hole. Obeying the instructions, Steve watched the pleasure blossom on Bucky’s face. He grinned, adding more spit and another finger; there was three now. After some time of pushing his fingers in and out of Bucky, Steve grew tired of stroking his cock while he watched this pleasure.  
  
Releasing his bottom lip from his teeth, Steve groaned. “I wanna put it in you, Buck.”  
  
“Do it, I know I want it.”  
  
Precum had been escaping from Steve’s fully erect member. It was so hard it hurt, each throb sending ache through his body; he couldn’t think of another time yeared so badly to cum. Eagerly following Bucky’s instruction, Steve slowly slid into him, a hand guiding down there and the other on the back of the couch for support. Before he was even fully inside, Steve moaned while Bucky covered his mouth. He pushed further, hearing tiny moans escape from between the man’s fingers. Finally, when he was in all the way, Steve caressed Bucky’s cheek and whispered to him. “What next?”  
  
“Thrust, baby, thrust hard and fast.”  
  
Steve was hesitant. “I don’t wanna hurt you, Buck.”  
  
“Okay okay. Pull out, but not all the way, then push back in. Do it slow at first but work up to hard and fast. Fuck I need it. I didn’t think I’d need this but… _Fuck_ , Steve I need you thrusting into me right now.”  
  
The blonde was much obliged and slowly pulled back, letting out a whimpering moan. “Shit…” He pushed back in, watching Bucky’s face turn red.  
  
In and out, in and out. Slowly, then quicker. And harder. His thrusts were long and deep, driving Bucky into a frenzy that soon hardened his once limp cock. The brunette grasped at his erection, jerking just as fast as Steve thrusted. They locked eyes at some point along the way and Steve’s look of sheer dominance sent him over the edge. He let out a loud cry and clenched the blanket behind him. White ropes flew from his member and fell onto his body. Seeing this, Steve slowed to a stop.  
  
Bucky’s eyes were still fluttering. “Wh-why’d you stop?”  
  
“Isn’t it over?”  
  
“Fuck no! You still have to come.”  
  
Steve blinked in surprise, then resumed his rhythm. It wasn’t long before he crept close to his own climax, the sight of Bucky’s perfect body splattered with cum driving him wild. He moaned as he convulsed, pushing a few more thrusts while his cock emptied itself inside his lover’s hole.  
  
Suddenly fatigued, Steve limply collapsed onto Bucky, breathing heavily. “Hell, Buck. That… that was fantastic.”  
  
Bucky wrapped his arms around him and kissed his head. “I’m glad I did this with you. I… I never thought I’d like it, I didn’t know I even wanted it until I started kissing you.”  
  
“Me neither.” Steve let out a long sigh and gently closed his eyes. “We’re good together.”  
  
“I know. I love you.”  
  
Steve’s eyes shot open. “Yeah?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the outline for this chapter like three days ago and I then got really drunk and started writing some ridiculous comment and it’s hilarious so I thought I’d share it:
> 
>  _Bucky was Fuck!!!! He get it in th asszzz,... damn. It’s oday tho. He loves it. Man i thought aboa the like 8th or 9th chapte.. ITS GOOD_  
>  AO CO FUSING  
> LOVE IT!!!!  
> TONY IS THERE!!!  
> YEEEEEEEH  
> Steve not diggin it  
> Buckys like “get over urself.::: DRAMA WUEEN!!!”


	6. Intruder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter starts with more sex! Skip past it if you’re not a fan, it’s just a few paragraphs long and pretty much stops at “The clatter came again” which I bolded so it’s easier to find. Enjoy!

The afterglow of their first sexual experience felt like it lasted for weeks. Euphoria surrounded the two lovers and they indulged in one another every day. Exploring his budding sexuality, Steve even offered to try taking Bucky in, but they quickly found it wasn’t for either of them. So their original method continued, Steve pegging Bucky and doing it day after day in every room of the house.  
  
“Shower?”  
  
“Are we actually gonna shower or are you gonna bend me over and screw me soapy?”  
  
Steve grinned and before they knew it, they were doing just that, Bucky’s moans echoing against the grey tile. Bodies laden with suds, their hands glided up and down their bare skin. The water fell against Steve’s back as he held Bucky’s hips, thrusting rhythmically into his behind. Leaning further into it, he built up speed and brought himself to climax.  
  
Panting, Bucky turned around. “That fast, huh?”  
  
“What can I say? Buck, you’re sexy as hell.” Steve glanced down to watch drops of cream slide down boyfriend’s leg. “Especially when my cum’s seeping out of your ass.”  
  
Red spread over his face and Bucky stepped around Steve to rinse himself off in the water. “When am I gonna see you covered in my cum again?”  
  
Steve raised an eyebrow, lowering himself into a squat. “How about right now?”  
  
Just as Bucky’s soft tip entered his mouth, he heard a clatter coming from outside the bathroom. Instinct overcame both of them and they shot to attention. Bucky watched as Steve slowly crept out from the curtain, silently wrapping a towel around his waist and leaning up against the door.  
  
**The clatter came again,** this time for longer. _Are those... pans?_ Steve grasped the handle of the door and slowly pulled it down as he pushed against the wood. Keeping his body tight, he crept through the door and into the hall. _Nobody in immediate sight_. Steve tensed then glanced back at Bucky in the bathroom, motioning him to stay put. He nodded in agreement, moving around in the water to keep the intruder thinking that the only person home was still clueless in the shower. When Steve came into the view of the kitchen, the intruder was sitting on the counter, a pot in each hand.  
  
“Hey, Cap. How’s it hangin’?”  
  
“Natasha.” Muscles finally relaxing, he leaned against the wall. “Why didn’t you just knock on the door?”  
  
“Oh, I did. Nobody answered for 10 minutes so I let myself in.” She took on a slow breath through her teeth. “I wished I hadn’t, though, because it sounded like there was some WILD stuff going on in the bathroom and I figured this was the best way to get you to stop.”  
  
Steve looked down and away.  
  
Natasha hopped off the counter and glanced behind Steve down the hall . “So is Bucky gonna come out and say hello?”  
  
As if he was listening the whole time instead of nonchalantly showering, Bucky stepped out of the bathroom. “Hey Nat.”  
  
“Sorry to drop in like this, especially at such an awkward time… but I thought it was time to catch up.” With a sigh, she gestured to the two towel-clad men. “It seems I’ve missed a lot.”

-

After they got dressed, Steve and Bucky returned to Nat, the three of them seating themselves on the couch. There was an awkward silence for a moment.  
  
“So… when were you gonna tell me about this?”  
  
Exhaling a long sigh, Steve leaned forward and rested his elbows on is legs. “We really didn’t wanna make a big thing about it so early.”  
  
Nat pursed her lips. “How long has it been going on for, then?”  
  
“Two months.” Bucky said quietly.  
  
“Two months, Steve? You didn’t think to call? Call and say ‘Hey Natasha, I’m finally dating and having sex and it’s with my male best friend who’s my boyfriend now’?”  
  
Steve winced. “I… I’m sorry Nat.”  
  
“Does anyone else know? Please tell me I’m not the only one you kept out of this.”  
  
“Well, Sam knows. I don’t think he told anybody in New York.”  
  
“Alright. You talk to Tony late…ly...” Nat trailed off just as her eyes did, moving her attention from Steve to Bucky. “Are you okay?”  
  
Steve turned to look at Bucky sitting next to him. The man was holding his hands over his mouth and was leaning over his lap, his back convulsing as he heaved.  
  
“Again?” Steve stood up instantly, rushing to guide him to the kitchen sink where he finally vomited.  
  
Natasha was standing at this point with her hands awkwardly out, ready to offer support if needed. “Did you say _again_?”  
  
Rubbing Bucky’s back, Steve looked over his shoulder to Nat. “Yeah. He’s not been feeling right this week. We’re trying to take it easy.”  
  
Her brow raised, she crossed her arms. “So earlier in the shower, that was taking it easy?”  
  
Steve rolled his eyes. “Can you just get him a towel for his neck or something? They’re in the bathroom.”  
  
“Oh you want me to go in there, now?” She said in false surprise.  
  
“Please?”  
  
“Okay. Wait there.”  
  
She left and returned with a washcloth and Steve ran it under the cool water before placing it on the back of Bucky’s neck.  
  
“Better?” He asked.  
  
With a groan, Bucky shook his head. Steve sighed and pressed a kiss to his boyfriend’s hair. He looked over at Natasha, who was leaning against the counter. _I don’t know what she’s judging me for, but she’s definitely judging me._  
  
“What is it now?” Steve asked her. “What’s with the face?”  
  
“What face? I’m making a face?”  
  
Steve silently kept his gaze.  
  
“Okay I’m just… Taken back, y'know? You have this whole life going on with routines and relationships and everything.” She uncrossed her arms for a moment only to just recross them tighter. “You left me out of it as if I wasn’t your best friend.”  
  
Steve raised his shoulders, trying to figure out how he was going to console the both of them. “You know how much I care about our friendship. It was my mistake to leave you out of all this, I was just worried you’d spill to everyone else.”  
  
“You mean Tony.”  
  
“Yeah.” He looked down at Bucky for a moment as the man heaved once more, then back to Natasha. “I know we settled everything with the government, but we’re still not exactly on speaking terms. I don’t think he wants to even hear about me.”  
  
“Why are you so caught up on what he has to deal with? Last I checked, he tried to kill your boyfriend and you too for getting in the way.”  
  
Tension built up in Steve’s chest, fueling his already heightened anxiety. “I know. That’s why we’re still down here, I want to keep us far from him and I don’t want to try and fix things until he steps forward.”  
  
“You and I both know Tony would never give up his pride to do something like that. Tell me the real reason you haven’t reached out.”  
  
At this point, Bucky was resting his head on his folded arms on the sink’s edge. Steve leaned over to see his face and check if he was alright. Without speaking a word, Bucky groggily stood up. Still slouched over, he dragged himself to Steve’s room and shut the door behind him.  
  
“He’s not ready.” Steve said once Bucky was gone.  
  
“Tony?”  
  
“Bucky. If we get into it now, Tony’s just gonna judge me for failing to ‘fix’ him.”  
  
“Fix him?”  
  
“Yeah. He… he still needs help with a lot of things. He’s got PTSD and anxiety and I’m scared he’s picked up an eating disorder with how much he’s throwing up.” Steve wiped a hand down his face. “If anything, all I’ve done is show him how to adjust to society, but not how to fully function in it.”  
  
“What happened to the therapist?”  
  
“Bucky thought he didn’t need to go anymore. Wouldn’t let me convince him otherwise.”  
  
Nat’s shoulders relaxed, her tight posture finally loosening. “Do you think he still needs it?”  
  
“Yeah. He won’t go though. I’m scared if I try to force him, he’ll freak out and run away.”  
  
“Steve I’ll help you with things like this.” She reached out, touching his shoulder. “Just call me, okay?”  
  
With a nod, Steve pulled his friend into a hug. “Thanks, Nat.”  
  
“Of course.” She pulled away after a tight squeeze.  
  
“Can you stay for dinner? We were talking earlier about getting pizza.”  
  
“Sure. I’ll order and you go check on Bucky?”  
  
“Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

-

Steve opened the door to his bedroom where Bucky was face down in bed, a small amount of vomit in a bowl beside him.  
  
“Bucky?” He said quietly as he sat down with him. “How are you doing?”  
  
Groaning, Bucky slowly turned over to look up at his boyfriend. “I think it’s over for now.”  
  
“For now?” Steve sighed. “We have to talk about this.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“I…” He paused. “Buck are you doing this to yourself?”  
  
A look of disgust spread on Bucky’s face and he sat up. “Of course I’m not doing this on purpose! You think I want to spend an hour a day hurling into whatever place happens to be the closest when it comes over me?”  
  
“I dunno, babe, I’m just… I’m worried about you.” Steve looked down at his hands, playing with them in his lap. “You’ve had problems in the past with not eating enough and-“  
  
“And you think I’ve got some kind of problem now, too?” Bucky scoffed. “I got better, Steve! I eat what you tell me to and how often you say I should because I know it’s good for me. What makes you think I just gave all that up?”  
  
“You throwing up all the damn time! You’re not sick, we went to the clinic and they said you’re fine!”  
  
Bucky’s lip began to quiver and his eyes became glossy with tears. “It’s not me, Steve! I’m not making myself throw up, I swear!”  
  
Steve sighed and wrapped his arms around his distraught boyfriend. “I’m sorry for making you upset like this, Buck, but what do expect me to think?”  
  
“That I wouldn’t do something like that. You know me.”  
  
“I… I know. But I don’t know what else to do, I hate seeing you in pain like this.”  
  
Bucky turned his head and kissed Steve’s ear. “It’ll be okay. It’s gotta stop sometime, right?”  
  
“Right.”  
  
Pulling apart just enough, they shared a gentle peck. Sure Bucky tasted a little bit like vomit, but he didn’t mind. He tightened his embrace and leaned into each kiss. They were in a teary bliss until they heard a noise from the doorway.  
  
It was Natasha, clearing her throat. “So… you guys want pepperoni or...?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you didn’t catch it, the chapter name has two meanings... Things are finally moving along! Thanks for the comments and kudos everyone :)


	7. Swell

“You know we can be going faster than this, right?” Bucky said with a smile as he jogged beside Steve.  
  
“Really? I don’t want you to overdo yourself again.”  
  
“Oh please, I’m fine. Nothin’s come up all morning.”  
  
The air was hot and heavy, not too typical for June in the mid-Atlantic, but expected for the rest of the week according to the forecast. Steve chose the early morning to go for a jog to avoid the stickiness that he worried would make Bucky sick. It was a failed attempt. Soon after he said something, Bucky stumbled over to the side of the path and threw up while he leaned against a tree.  
  
“Are you sure you don’t wanna go home?” Steve asked, rubbing his boyfriend’s back.  
  
“No, yeah… I wanna finish the loop. I haven’t gotten to do this in a while.” He brought himself back up and wiped his face with a napkin he was keeping in his pocket. “Sorry for that.”  
  
“Why are you sorry?”  
  
“Because you have to keep seeing me like this.”  
  
“I’ll get over it.”  
  
The men returned to their jog, Bucky even going a little further ahead. Following behind, Steve was still bothered by the idea that he really could be doing this to himself. The only problem was that he wasn’t sure how; he never saw him gag himself before throwing up, it just happened naturally. _Is he taking something? Some kind of medicine?_ He pursed his lips as he ran, trying to keep up with Bucky now.  
  
Since that first day he noticed it, Steve couldn’t ever stop seeing the golden glow around Bucky when they walked in the sunlight-speckled park. Even sick and pale as he was in the recent weeks, he still glowed, still amazed him with all he had been able to handle. No matter what condition he was in, Bucky would always be beautiful to Steve, but he knew looking sickly wasn’t healthy.

-

It had been too long since they saw Sam, who’d spent the week on vacation for his cousin’s wedding. They met for pizza after the jog, Steve grinning at every detail of the apparently elaborate destination nuptials.  
  
“Did you get to see the fountain?”  
  
“You kidding?! The walking route from the hotel to the venue took us right past it!”  
  
“Did you throw a coin in?”  
  
“Oh you bet I did. I need a sweet Italian honey in my life, too.”  
  
“Is that why we’re in a pizzeria?” Bucky said, not looking up from his food.  
  
Sam gave a suggestive shrug. “Possibly. Also I heard you weren’t feeling well and I know this is your favorite food.”  
  
“Well, it’s my favorite food back home. I can’t really say DC has great pizza.”  
  
“Hey, c’mon!” Sam laughed. “This is MY home you’re talking about, now!”  
  
Bucky rolled his eyes and dug in to his slice anyway. It was obvious to Steve that he was homesick, they both were. He thought often about traveling to Brooklyn for a weekend, but where would they go? How would they get there? Neither owned a car, the trip was too long to take on his bike in Bucky’s condition, and they both doubted he could get through airline security. For now, pizza was the closest they’d get to home, even if it was subpar DC pizza.  
  
“So,” Sam began, slurping a hanging strand of cheese into his mouth, “what have you two been up to?”  
  
Steve rested his arms on the table. “Well we saw Natasha last week, she popped in for a surprise visit.”  
  
“We were in the shower and thought someone broke in.” Bucky added.  
  
“Together? Oh c'mon I told you guys I don’t wanna hear that stuff. I even felt weird hearing my cousin dish the dirty deets about his wedding night.” He made a comical shudder. “If I didn’t wanna hear about _Teresa_ , I don’t wanna hear about you.”  
  
“Sheesh, Sam!” Steve laughed. “Was it that nasty?”  
  
“Oh, so nasty.”  
  
The three of them laughed and ate their pizza. Steve was pleasantly surprised that Bucky didn’t run to the bathroom at all. _Maybe it is just a freak thing?_ There was no pattern to it. He noticed it happened whenever, not specifically at convenient or inconvenient times. Plus, if he actually was forcing this on himself, he’d probably want to be more dignified about it. As if his thoughts had reached Bucky, he covered his mouth and slid out of the booth, rushing to the bathroom. Steve sighed as he watched him go before returning his focus to his food.  
  
“Jeez,” Sam began, “what is he, pregnant?”  
  
“Ha ha.” Humored Steve, biting into his pizza. “He’s probably just feeling guilty he’s actually enjoying lunch today.”  
  
Sam’s laugh faded into a frown. “Oh shit. I didn’t realize that’s how it was…”  
  
“I didn’t either at first. Thought he was just sick. We saw the doctor twice and both times she said nothing was wrong, but he still keeps doing it so here we are.”  
  
Sighing, Sam set down his crust and took a sip at his soda. “So now what? Did you have, like, an intervention?”  
  
“I mean, I’ve talked to him about it, but he won’t fess up. He keeps saying it’s involuntary and he has no control over it.” Steve shook his head before resting it in his hand. “I don’t know what to do, Sam. He’s gotten all pale and everything, even his cheeks look a little sunken. All the progress we made since Romania is almost undone.”  
  
“Wow. Yeah, man, I dunno what to say about that. Never had someone in my life develop eating disorder, thankfully.”  
  
Not entirely minding his greasy hands, Steve rubbed his face as he groaned. “I just wish he’d get better.”  
  
Sam reached out and touched Steve’s arm. “Me too. I’m here for him, could you let him know that?”  
  
“Why don’t you tell him?”  
  
“Don’t pretend you don’t know he hates me.”  
  
“He doesn’t hate you, Sam.”  
  
“Oh come on! He’s always undermining everything I do or say, like he’s gotta one-up me.”  
  
“He’s just jealous, that’s all.”  
  
“Man, wish he’d be nicer about it, _that’s all_.”  
  
Shortly after, Bucky returned to the table with his hair tied back. Picking up right where he left off, he chomped at his pizza. Seeing this, Sam raised an eyebrow at Steve and tilted his head. Silently, he nodded in response.  
  
“Better?” He asked Bucky, offering him a sip of his drink.  
  
“Yeah. God I wish I could keep meals down for longer than an hour. I don’t care how crap this pizza is, I’m starving.”  
  
“Well you’re still gonna finish your shake from this morning when we get home.”  
  
Bucky groaned and sipped at the water. “I really don’t have to, do I? I’m just gonna have another one at 3.”  
  
“Yeah? But you need both. Doctor's orders.”  
  
“Yeah yeah yeah.” Bucky’s face twisted at the thought of the obnoxiously thick nutrition shakes.  
  
Steve leaned over and kissed the brunette on the cheek. “If you’re good, I’ll puree it some more so it’s not so lumpy. Maybe even add some strawberries…”  
  
Bucky lit up just a bit. “Okay, fine.”

-

The day progressed and Bucky was doing alright, no more vomiting and a lot less complaining. They showered, washing away the sweat and stick from the cruel outside, and settled down for a quiet evening. As promised, Steve made him his smoothened shake with added berries and the two sat down to cuddle for a bit. While Bucky read the paper, Steve did the puzzles he pulled out from it; Bucky didn’t read the sports on the other side anyway.  
  
Comfortably, Steve was sitting up while Bucky reclined with his bent legs bridging over his boyfriend’s. Both were barely dressed, Steve in underwear and Bucky in his long pajama pants that sat low on his hips, just how Steve liked it. Every once in a while, he looked over at his shirtless boyfriend, wishing the newspaper wasn’t in the way. Like his repeated wish had accumulated enough to come true, Bucky finally folded away the paper and set it on the coffee table, resting his head on the back of the couch and closing his eyes.  
  
Finally, Steve looked over him, admiring the tiny brown curls on his chest and his magnificent shoulders. He tried not to notice the prominence of his collarbones or ribs and diverted his attention to his middle. Where sculpted abs had once been years ago, was now just flat skin. Well, not entirely flat. _Not flat? What…_  
  
On Bucky’s lower belly was a small swell, not even a paunch, something hardly noticeable even now as he sat with his knees bent. Steve tried to remember if he could see it when he was standing, and he was sure he didn’t. Something so small could only have been noticed by Bucky all this time. _This has to be it, this is why he doesn’t want food. He thinks he’s getting fat._ Looking at it more, Steve was puzzled, it was hardly there at all. In the amount it was there, though, it was actually pretty cute.  
  
Suddenly, Bucky gently stirred and his eyes fluttered open, so Steve quickly averted his gaze. With a small grunt, the brunette adjusted his position and pulled his pants up a little higher, covering the barely existent bump. _He’s too self conscious. Should I just tell him?_ Steve tightened his lips, thinking about how much trouble that miniscule swell had caused.  
  
“You alright over there?” Bucky asked, looking at Steve then at the crossword he had stopped in the middle of.  
  
“Huh? Oh no, yeah, I just got stumped by this word.”  
  
Bucky sat up more, obviously interested. “Clue?”  
  
Frantic, Steve’s eyes jumped to a random number. 27 down. “‘Peachy!’ Five letters and ‘L’ is the last one.”  
  
“Uuuuhhh…” Bucky thought for a while before leaning over and pointing to the spaces. “Swell?”  
  
Steve looked over the puzzle to check. His eyebrows raised and he swore he blushed just a little. _Oh, irony._ “That would be it. Thank you, babe.”  
  
Stealing a kiss, Bucky smiled against his lips. “Anytime.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pukey Bucky continues, but now with added physical changes! For reference, he’s like 7 or 8 weeks now, but they still have no idea...


	8. Beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god. I am SO sorry for the delay with this chapter! I just moved back into my dorm and settled in with my classes this week, so it’s been BUSY. Enjoy this chapter that took forever to write!!
> 
> **Sex and some mild belly lovin’ at the end!

Time passed and Steve forgot all about the little swell that so concerned him. Bucky had finally stopped throwing up and he began to look like himself again, his face healthy and bright. One busy Sunday, the couple decided to rent some bicycles and go for a ride around the park instead of a run. Steve was delighted to see Bucky keeping up with him and not needing to stop every ten minutes.  
  
“I’m really proud of you, y'know.” He said across the table to the sweaty brunette.  
  
“Yeah?” Bucky smiled. “And I’m proud of myself.”  
  
“Good!” Steve beamed in return before having another bite of his bagel.  
  
Bucky merely sipped a coffee, he had said he wasn’t hungry since he had toast before they left for the ride early in the morning. Steve understood, he supposed he still hadn’t gotten used to having a full stomach again.  
  
“You’re getting a nice tan,” noted Bucky, “the sun looks good on you.”  
  
Steve looked down at his arms, his blonde hairs contrasting against the sun kissed skin. “I like spending time outside, and I’m glad you like it too.”  
  
A drip of coffee spilled down his lips and Bucky licked it away. “Because it’s good for me?”  
  
“Good for both of us. Also because it’s beautiful out.”  
  
The brunette chuckled. “If it’s so beautiful out, why did you keep staring at me instead of your surroundings?”  
  
“Because you’re beautiful, too.”  
  
“Oh yeah? Tell that to the lady you almost ran into!”  
  
Though his cheeks turned red, Steve laughed along with Bucky. Grateful that he finally had his boyfriend back, he leaned over the table for a kiss. Blushing as well, Bucky returned the gesture. Things felt alright again, finally.

-

During their visit to the gym the next day, Steve’s phone rang with a familiar and ominous tone. He didn’t even have to look at it. Gently setting down his weights, he looked to Bucky and shook his head with a shrug.  
  
“Do you wanna stay here and wait for me? I don’t think it’ll take too long.”  
  
“Yeah just go. Don’t get heated if it’s him, okay?”  
  
“Alright.” Steve walked over and gave his boyfriend a goodbye kiss before walking outside.  
  
Dialing the numbers in, Steve’s heart thumped. _Is it serious? Is it gonna be a huge mission? Am I gonna have to leave him here alone?_ The phone rang quietly against his ear until it was picked up on the other end.  
  
“Steve?” It was Natasha.  
  
“Hey, what’s going on?” Steve spoke quietly, leaning against the brick wall.  
  
“Nothing too big. Just putting away groceries, hanging out. You?”  
  
Steve blinked, confused. “Do… do you need me for something? I mean, you rang the mission alert.”  
  
“Oh did I?” She exclaimed over the phone. “I just figured this was the best way to get you to call me since you seem to have forgotten to do that lately.”  
  
He sighed. “I know, Nat, I’ve just been busy.”  
  
“With your perfectly normal life?”  
  
“It’s not perfectly normal, you know that.”  
  
“What’s going on with you then? I thought Bucky got better.”  
  
“Well,” Steve sighed as he leaned against the brick wall outside the gym, “he’s not throwing up anymore, but now he’s eating less. He drinks black coffee for breakfast and hardly has anything for lunch. The only meal he eats like a normal person is dinner.”  
  
“Sheesh, Steve, I’m sorry.”  
  
“It’s alright. I talked to him about portioning so he’d at least have something substantial for each meal.”  
  
“And?”  
  
“He says he’s doing fine with his own thing.”  
  
“And what is his _thing_?”  
  
“He’s trying to lose weight, I guess. Can’t figure out why, he looks fine to me.”  
  
Natasha was quiet for a second or two.  
  
“Nat?”  
  
“Yeah, I’m just thinking. Have you talked to him about seeing the therapist again?”  
  
“I mentioned it the other day, but he brushed it off.” Steve shook his head. “I just don’t know why he’s doing this all of a sudden.”  
  
“Well, when did it start?”  
  
Chewing his lip, Steve thought. “I mean, he’s been resistant to food ever since he moved in after rehabilitation, but he still ate then because he knew he had to build up what he lost. I guess it got worse a little while after things got romantic?” He thought some more. “Actually, it was after we started having sex.”  
  
“Alright, alright.” Nat shushed him. “Maybe he’s self conscious because you see him naked all the time?”  
  
“That might be it. He just gets so aggravated when I try to talk to him about this. Scares me, you know?”  
  
“He’s not gonna run away, Steve.”  
  
Steve sighed, wiping his forehead with his hand. _She knows me well._ “What do I do, then, Nat?”  
  
“I don’t know. I wish I did.”  
  
The two were silent for a moment, maybe longer. Natasha sighed into the phone. Steve rubbed his eyes.  
  
“I’m gonna go back in there. We’re at the gym.”  
  
“Okay. Good luck, Steve. Come visit soon, okay? A trip will be good for both of you.”  
  
“Maybe. I’ll call you soon. Thanks, Nat.”  
  
“Always. Bye.”  
  
Steve slipped his phone back into his pocket and ran his hands down his face. He turned around and headed back inside the gym, looking around for Bucky. The brunette was nowhere in sight, not at any of his regular stations or machines. Eyebrows furrowed, Steve hummed. As he scanned the room again, his eyes fell on the locker room. He headed over and walked inside.  
  
The room was nearly empty, but there by the sinks was Bucky. He had taken off his shirt, it was draped over the edge of the sink before him as he pensiously stared in the mirror. Steve watched from out of the corner, observing this apparently new behavior. Bucky was standing sideways to the mirror, sucking in his stomach in different ways before turning to face his image, relaxing his muscles with a sigh. That’s when Steve saw it again. The swell. _It’s still there?_ He had forgotten all about it. _Was he hiding it this whole time?_  
  
Bucky then reached to grab a handful of his stomach, but seemed to struggle to get a hold of anything but a small amount of skin. Curiously, Steve watched as a look of disgust spread on his boyfriend’s face. When Bucky tried sucking in again, still facing the mirror, Steve saw what must have been so frustrating; the swell remained prominent while the rest of his abdomen concaved. _Is it… bigger?_  
  
While thoughts ran through Steve’s mind, Bucky was going through an emotional mess of his own. Quiet sobs echoed in the vast and empty room, finally revealing an ongoing struggle Steve was completely unaware of. He couldn’t watch any longer, he stepped in.  
  
“Buck.” He began.  
  
Startled, Bucky gasped and immediately reached for his shirt to cover himself. “I didn’t know you were done. Do you have to leave for a mission?”  
  
“No. I’m not going anywhere, but there is something I need to work on.”  
  
Bucky’s eyes widened. “Were you here the whole time?”  
  
“I don’t know, but I saw a lot.”  
  
The brunette’s shoulders raised, his arms folded tight against his chest with his shirt hanging over his swollen middle. His cheeks were wet now, and tears were still coming.  
  
“Babe.” Steve began.  
  
“I don’t want to talk about this, Steve!”  
  
“Okay. Not here, let’s go home. Can we talk there?”  
  
“No. We’re not talking about anything.” He wiped his hand under his nose. “There’s nothing wrong with me.”  
  
Steve reached out and touched his shoulder. “You’re right, nothing is wrong with you.”  
  
Bucky looked at the blonde, into his tired and loving eyes. “You’ve been complaining about me for months.”  
  
“I have. Because I didn’t understand any of this, I didn’t know you were…”  
  
“Gaining weight?”  
  
“Yes but that doesn’t matter to me, Buck!”  
  
“It doesn’t have to! It bothers _me_ and it hurts _me_ and I just want to look in the mirror and like what I see for the first time in years.”  
  
Steve blinked. “Years?”  
  
Bucky didn’t respond, he just stared at Steve for a while before gently nodding.  
  
“Oh, Bucky,” Steve began, pulling the man into a hug.  
  
In the close squeeze, Steve felt the extra weight on Bucky’s abdomen press against him. It was firm and round, somewhat of a perfect bump. Bucky must have noticed this accentuation, too, because he pulled away and turned to put his shirt on without Steve seeing any more of that bump.  
  
“Buck.” Steve said lowly.  
  
“I don’t want you to see me like this, okay? If I don’t like myself, I can’t believe that you could.”  
  
“You’re beautiful, Bucky. You have curves, that’s okay.”  
  
Bucky scoffed. “A single curve. In the front. That’s not sexy.”  
  
“Yeah it is!” Steve turned Bucky around and gently let himself smile. “It’s a little bit of weight, it means you’re healthy.”  
  
“It means I’m getting fat.”  
  
“It doesn’t. It also doesn’t mean you should starve yourself.” Steve hummed in discontent as Bucky turned his head away. “I know that’s what you’re doing. And now I know why. If you want to lose the weight we can try eating healthier, but you still have to eat.”  
  
The brunette didn’t respond.  
  
“Or you could keep it, because it does look pretty cute on you.”  
  
Bucky’s arms were tightly crossed now. “Shut up.”  
  
With a sigh, Steve took the man by his hand and led him out of the locker room, out of the gym, out of the busy town, into their home. They were safe there. It was where Bucky could remove his shirt to shower, reluctantly allowing his boyfriend to look him over as the warm water rained against their bodies.  
  
Breath as hot as the steam around them, Steve speckled Bucky’s neck with tiny bites while his hands ran all down his slippery skin. Pushing into his lower back, he forced the man closer to him, the perfect bump pressing against him once again. Seeing it and feeling it invoked a strange feeling in him; was it arousal or something more? He payed the something more no mind and focused on the arousal. He just wanted Bucky, his soft and tight hole around his cock. Lustfully, he slipped inside, moaning as he took his time pushing deeper.  
  
As usual when having sex while standing, Steve reached around and held Bucky’s middle to keep him supported with every thrust. This was different, he enjoyed it even more now that his hand rested on the curiously sexy bump on his boyfriend’s belly. He tried for a moment to dig his fingers into the skin, but this only reminded him how firm the swell truly was below a brief layer of softness. The thoughts that ran through his head were less of ‘ _Why is it hard?_ ’ but more of ‘ _Why is it turning me on so much?_ ’  
  
It wasn’t long before Steve finished, emptying himself into the hole so soft and tight. Bucky followed suit, riding Steve’s climax as he shoved in deeply for the last few thrusts.  
  
Pulling out, Steve turned Bucky around and painted against his neck. “I love you, beautiful.”  
  
Bucky pressed a kiss to his boyfriend’s cheek. “I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo Steve’s got a biiiiit of a thing for Bucky’s belly. Hes definitely enjoying the extra weight and there’s more of that to come in the next chapter!!


	9. Pushing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beware: More of Steve’s adorable infatuation with Bucky’s belly~

“Please have some of this, I’m gonna make myself sick if I have all of it myself.”  
  
“Quit pushing it all on me! I told you, I don’t like popcorn.”  
  
Steve laughed. “And I told you, that’s bull!”  
  
Though rolling his eyes, Bucky smiled. “Fine, I’ll have a couple popcorns.”  
  
“A couple popcorns?”  
  
“Shut up.” He said as he reached his hand into the buttery bowl on Steve’s lap.  
  
It was movie night, a magical and special night that came once or twice a month. If a new movie came out on DVD, they’d rent it and watch at home; they didn’t really care much for overpriced and busy theaters except for even more special occasions. Snuggled up on their couch with a blanket on their legs, the couple was enjoying their private and quiet night in.  
  
Underneath the fleece, Steve gingerly slid his hand underneath Bucky’s shirt. As his fingers grazed the skin there, he heard the brunette’s breathing hitch.  
  
“Hey,” came Steve’s soft voice, “can I?”  
  
Bucky let out a low hum, gently expressing his dissatisfaction. “You always do this.”  
  
“I won’t deny that.” He kept his hand hovered, but didn’t pull back just yet.  
  
“You really do have a thing for it, huh?”  
  
Steve smiled sheepishly. “I can’t help it, Buck. You’re just so damn cute.”  
  
Looking at his boyfriend, Bucky saw the sweet look in his eyes. He sighed. “Fine. No rubbing or squeezing.”  
  
“Deal.” Steve grinned as he rested his hand on Bucky’s belly, cupping the warm bump.  
  
Spreading his fingers out, his hand splayed across the skin, feeling as much of it as he could without making Bucky uncomfortable. Steve took his eyes from the movie and laid them on where his hand rested, secretly swooning over the sweet bulge on his boyfriend’s semi-exposed middle. _A perfect little pudge, it looks so good on him._ He leaned into Bucky and planted small kisses on his neck.  
  
“No getting horny, either.” The brunette snapped before rolling his eyes at a now whining Steve.  
  
“Okay okay, no more kissing then. Let’s just watch the movie.”  
  
“Gladly.” Bucky hummed, giving Steve one kiss on his lips before returning his attention to the television.  
  
Comfortable and quiet, the couple watched as the movie went on. Scenes of peril brought Bucky closer to Steve, unintentionally pushing his belly into his touch. Steve sighed with content, snuggling his boyfriend whenever he felt needed to.  
  
While eyes focused on the movie and hand still resting on Bucky’s middle, Steve felt something strange. It wasn’t on his own body, the feeling came from Bucky’s and he received it on his palm. _What the…_ He inhaled sharply as soon as he registered what had happened.  
  
“Hey, Buck?”  
  
“Hm?”  
  
“Did you feel that?”  
  
“Feel what?”  
  
Steve blinked. “I… your stomach just did something weird.”  
  
“Oh? I guess I didn’t notice, I’ve gotten so used to it.”  
  
“Used to it?”  
  
“Yeah, it’s been doing this for a while. It’s just gas and I have been taking medicine for it so don’t worry.”  
  
Steve exhaled, relaxing the muscles that had tightened in his chest. “Alright.”  
  
Mere moments went by before Steve felt it again. This time it was less of a bubbling and more of an outward pushing. He yanked his hand away as if Bucky’s skin had become scorchingly hot.  
  
“Bucky!” He exclaimed, stumbling to his feet.  
  
“What the hell, Steve?”  
  
“Buck I felt something in there! I’m not crazy, it’s not gas- holy shit, Bucky, something just pushed on my hand!”  
  
Bucky began breathing heavily. “What are you talking about?”  
  
Steve fell to his knees and took Bucky’s hand, pushing it up under his own shirt and against his belly. “Tell me you don’t feel that!”  
  
Motionless for a short while, Bucky continued to take deep breaths. His already uneven rhythm was interrupted by a sharp inhale. With eyes suddenly wide, he stared at Steve in horror.  
  
“See? That’s not gas, Buck, I don’t know what it is but it’s alive- something is literally alive in there.” His own breathing started to become erratic now, color draining from his face. Realizations began pouring over him, sending him into a hysteria that he so desperately tried to control to keep Bucky from doing the same.  
  
“Steve... Steve I’m scared...”  
  
Stumbling on his words, Steve spoke with a shaky voice. “W-we just have to get you to a hospital, Buck. It’s-it’s-it’s gonna be okay they’re gonna figure out what it is and get it out and and-”  
  
“No!” Bucky cried out.  
  
“No? Buck, we have to!”  
  
“We don’t know what this is, Steve, it could be something… something beyond what they can help!”  
  
Hands running wildly in his hair, Steve began pulling at the locks. “L-like what? It’s a parasite, Buck, they can remove it!”  
  
“We don’t know that. It could be something Hydra put in me, something I still don’t know about.”  
  
Steve’s eyes, too, began to widen. “If it is, they’ll turn you in. They might…”  
  
“Kill me.”  
  
They were quiet. Neither spoke, but the room was filled with the sounds of their harsh breathing and pounding hearts. Bucky was still sitting on the couch, hands at his sides as he gripped tightly to the blanket. Steve watched as his face twisted.  
  
“What?”  
  
“It’s moving again. I can’t ignore it now like I was before, I just feel every single movement and all I can think of is what it must be doing to me.”  
  
Inevitably, images of terrifying creatures filled Steve’s mind and his own face contorted more and more with each horrific thought. “Where do you think we should go, then?”  
  
“What about your friend, Banner? He’s a doctor.”  
  
Steve shook his head. “He’s been missing for years. Split after Sokovia.”  
  
Bucky lowered his head after a short nod. He didn’t speak for a few moments, but then looked up at Steve through his lashes. “Steve.”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“We have to go to Tony.”  
  
The blonde inhaled sharply. “No, Buck, are you crazy?”  
  
“He’s our only chance, Steve!”  
  
“No, he’s not! If this thing turns out to be some kind of monster, he’ll kill you himself!”  
  
“He won’t!”  
  
Steve pulled at his hair again. “Bucky, listen to yourself!”  
  
“He’s your friend, he will understand the situation we’re in! If it does turn out to be just some parasite, we’ll go to a hospital right away and-”  
  
“And what if it’s not? Then what? He locks you up and hands you over to the government.” Steve blinked away the tears that pooled in his eyes. “And I might never see you again.”  
  
Bucky shut his eyes tightly and began to groan. “Damn it!” He yelled out.  
  
Steve dropped to his knees and took Bucky’s hand to comfort him. “Does it hurt?”  
  
“I… can’t really tells. It feels like a spoon scraping on my insides but it’s not really tearing anything up, at least, I don’t think so.”  
  
The description forced Steve to imagine some clawed creature inside Bucky, inside the bump he touched so affectionately over the past few days. He felt horrified that a monster was lying just below his hand this whole time. A hospital would call the police once they found out. The police would detain him. He’d be sitting there waiting for hours until the military would take him. He’d be locked up right away without a second thought. Crying even more now, his head fell.  
  
“Okay. We’ll go to Tony.”  
  
Bucky’s face lit up just as much as it could at the moment. “Yeah?”  
  
“Yeah.” Steve sighed. “If it does turn out to be Hydra, then I think things will go smoother with him than they would at the hospital.”  
  
With a nod, Bucky stood up and hurried to the bedroom. Steve followed him and found him rummaging through the closet and their drawers to gather some essentials for the trip. The brunette looked frantic, his forehead was sweaty and his eyes sunken in.  
  
“Hey, Buck?”  
  
“Hm?” He didn’t stop working to fill the bag.  
  
“It’s gonna be okay.”  
  
Bucky sighed, finally pausing to look at Steve. “Really?”  
  
Eyes locked, the blonde tightened his lips. “I don’t know.”  
  
When everything was in order, the two went downstairs to the parking garage. Soon, they emerged from the exit on Steve’s bike, barreling into the street and speeding off towards the North. Bucky’s arms wrapped tightly around him, Steve controlled his breathing and focused only on the road. _It’s gonna be okay._ Such a statement was hard to believe when throughout the ride, he felt the gentle pushing from Bucky’s middle on his back. _It’s gonna be okay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one of the chapters I planned out a while ago and it went so much better than I expected it to! Stay tuned for Chapter 10...


	10. Stark: Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLYYYYY!!! This took forever to write because school has gotten so busy and I’ve been doing things just about every weekend so I haven’t had much free time. Sooooo my original draft of this chapter bothered me with how absolutely long it was, so I decided to split it into two parts! Enjoy~

Streetlights gazed upon them as they rode into the night, their backs bathed in their eerie, orange glow. North they drove on the interstate until they came to New York; familiar as it was, the hustle and bustle of the metropolitan area was something Steve didn’t really miss. They found themselves stopped in traffic now, moving slowly only every few minutes. As they stood there motionless for longer than either could take, Steve felt Bucky tighten his grasp around his waist, hearing a tiny groan accompanying the gesture.  
  
“How’re you doing back there?” He asked.  
  
“It keeps shifting.” Bucky mumbled. “It wasn’t doing it when we were cruising.”  
  
Steve hummed, and checked his surroundings before revving the bike. “Hang on tight, babe.”  
  
Yanking the throttle back, Steve gunned it off to the right, narrowly avoiding the other stationary vehicles as he made his way onto the shoulder. There they continued their cruise, skipping the traffic in an illegal but effective manner.  
  
“Better?” Steve called back to Bucky.  
  
He was quiet for a second, waiting. “Yeah,” he finally responded, “thank you.”  
  
Though he couldn’t see it, he knew Bucky was smiling. Fear had enveloped them both last night and now they were in the homestretch, just two hours to go. Once outside the busyness of the city, all that was left was quiet highway cruising.  
  
“Tired yet?” The blonde asked as they stopped at a red light in some small, rural town just off the highway.  
  
“Oh definitely, but the thought of it… the thing… I can’t let myself sleep.” Bucky held tighter onto Steve then, resting his helmeted cheek against his back. “What about you?”  
  
“I think the shock of the whole thing is keeping me awake.”  
  
The light turned green and they continued up the street, nearing closer at last to Avengers HQ. Piercing the black sky, it looked dark and evil in a way. Steve hadn’t been there in a few years now and the last time he was didn’t go well. Memories of loud arguments across the conference table clouded his brain, now. Unable to forget, unable to forgive, he clenched the throttle and sped off towards the facility.  
  
Once at the gate, a retina scanner confirmed their identities and allowed them clearance, the wide metal bars sliding out of their way. Finally freeing himself from the heat of his helmet, beads of sweat ran down Steve’s forehead and he let them; one hand was pushing into his pocket and the other was holding the small of Bucky’s back as they walked up to the building.  
  
He turned his head and looked at the brunette. “Feeling alright?”  
  
Looking down at himself quickly, Bucky nodded. “Okay for now.”  
  
_For now_. A vein pulsed in Steve’s sweaty forehead as they approached the entrance. The throbbing beneath his skin bothered him, but he could only imagine how much worse it was for Bucky, knowing something was alive inside him and moving almost constantly. He stared at the array of buttons on the panel beside the door and begrudgingly removed his hand from his pocket to push in his personal entry code.  
  
“Steve?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“I’m gonna be okay, right?”  
  
Steve was quiet. _How do you tell someone you love they might not be okay?_ He licked his lips. “You’re gonna be okay.”

-

At the top floor of the east wing lived Stark, who took up residence in the facility after the events that tore apart their friendship. The doors opened on the elevator and there it was before them, Tony’s apartment. It was nearly 4am, but they didn’t need to worry about waking him up since his computer should have already alerted him of the visitors that scanned at the parking garage.  
  
Eyes moving across the dimly lit room, Steve soon found him sitting at the dining room table. “Tony.”  
  
“Steve.”  
  
“We need your help.”  
  
“Didn’t think to call first?” The goateed man raised his mug to sip at his coffee, its smell filling the room.  
  
“I know, but it’s an emergency.”  
  
“Hey, you still could have called. It’s four-fucking-A.M.”  
  
Steve took a deep breath. “I was afraid you’d say no if I called and asked.”  
  
“Oh so you assumed that just because you, what, rode your bike here for hours that I’ll instantly agree to help you?” He threw his free arm in the air in their direction. “And with him?”  
  
Gaze locked, Steve harshly exhaled through his nose. “He needs your help, Tony. He’s in danger.”  
  
He was quiet for a second, eyes straining to stay locked with Steve’s in their power struggle. “What did he do?”  
  
“He didn’t do anything. He’s a victim and we don’t know where else to go.”  
  
Visibly uncomfortable, Tony shifted in his seat. “So, what’s the deal then?”  
  
Just as Steve opened his mouth, Bucky answered instead. “Parasite.”  
  
Tony squinted. “A what?”  
  
“He’s got some kind of parasite,” Steve started, “it’s huge and we don’t know what it is.”  
  
“You couldn’t go to a hospital like a normal person?”  
  
“No.” Bucky said immediately, a little loudly. “Like he said, we don’t know what it is. It could be dangerous to more than just me.”  
  
Steve sighed. “Believe me, Tony, if Banner were here we’d go to him.”  
  
Resting his elbow on the table, Tony rubbed his forehead. “Alright, how big is this thing, anyway?”  
  
Though hesitantly, Bucky lifted up his shirt and exposed his swollen belly. When he laid eyes on it, Tony nearly spit out his coffee.  
  
“Holy shit!” He exclaimed, standing up and creeping over to Bucky. Once close enough to really look at him, he shook his head. “How do you know it’s a parasite? It could be a growth.”  
  
“It moves.” Bucky gulped, looking to Steve now. “A lot.”  
  
Tony’s forehead wrinkled. “How the hell did you not do anything sooner? It’s… it’s definitely huge.”  
  
Bucky shrugged. “I thought it was nothing. Just… weight gain.”  
  
Scratching his head, Tony sighed and began walking away. “Come on.” He instructed, gesturing for the men to follow him.  
  
They did, Bucky smoothing his shirt back down. Steve watched him, noticing the frown on the man’s face at the fact that it tented out. He leaned over as they walked, pressing a silent kiss to the side of his head through his tousled brown hair. Bucky turned to look at him and smiled just a little. _You’re gonna be okay_.  
  
Tony led them to a technical-looking room with a platform at the center. He threw out some nonchalant gesture towards a computer of sorts and it began to boot up, whirring for a moment before settling down to an ignorably quiet hum. Steve peered around at every corner of the room with a cloudy mistrust in his eyes, just waiting for something to reach out and restrain him and Bucky. Nothing did.  
  
“So this thing,” Tony began, flipping a switch on another machine, “you say it moves?”  
  
With a gulp, Bucky nodded. “Yeah. It’s strong sometimes but gentle other times.”  
  
He was holding a glass tablet now, tapping at its holographic display. “Wait hold on, what do you mean it’s strong? How can its movement be strong?”  
  
After looking to Steve for a brief moment, Bucky returned his focus to Tony and shrugged. “It just, y’know, pushes harder sometimes. I was always brushing it off until Steve felt it.”  
  
Tony froze, his finger hovering just above the glass. “...Pushes?” He set down the tablet on a bench as he strode across the room towards Bucky.  
  
Seeing this, Steve stepped forward, holding out his arm in front of Bucky to shield him from whatever Tony was about to do.  
  
“Hold on, Cap, I just wanna feel it.” He looked to Bucky, now right in front of him but still behind Steve’s extended arm. “If that’s okay.”  
  
As if for approval, Bucky turned to look at Steve, who, with a shrug, nodded. The blonde dropped his arm and allowed Tony to reach out his own to press his hand against the front of Bucky’s bump.  
  
“Shit, that’s firm.” He said initially before hushing himself in patience. After a little while, his face scrunched. “I don’t feel anything.”  
  
Bucky sighed. “It’s not moving right now. It just does so whenever it wants, I guess.”  
  
Steve cleared his throat and shifted his weight to the other leg. “Maybe not push so hard.”  
  
“I’m not-“ Tony froze again, the fingers on his other hand twitching.  
  
“Felt that?” Bucky mumbled.  
  
“That’s...” Wide-eyed, he backed up and hustled back towards where he set down his tablet. “Tuesday, search database for known abdominal parasites and display results.”  
  
The computer that embodied the room chimed and a list appeared on the glass tablet. Tony swiped up and displayed it in the air as a cloud of words and photos.  
  
“What?” Steve ran his eyes all over this cloud, trying not to cringe at some of the disgusting photos.  
  
“I don’t know what that is, Steve, but that’s not just some parasite. Look.” He flicked through the carousel of information. “Filter out ones smaller than 5 pounds.”  
  
The cloud shrank, now showing horrific images of meaty worms covered in blood or puss. Bucky looked away, covering his mouth.  
  
“Tuesday, now narrow the search to ones that have limbs.”  
  
“Limbs?” Bucky interrupted, his voice breaking.  
  
The cloud disappeared and Tony gestured to its lack of existence. “Nothing. There’s no parasite that big on earth that could push out like that, they’re all worms. This thing has limbs and it’s strong.”  
  
They were quiet for a moment until Steve spoke up. “On earth? Is… is it alien?”  
  
Tony shook his head. “I don’t know. All I know is that it’s not a parasite that we as a species have seen or recorded before.”  
  
Steve was so caught up in this information, he almost didn’t notice Bucky stumbling backwards. He stepped into his path and caught him before he could fall. The brunette looked as if he’d seen all the horrors the universe had to offer; his hands were up near his head in a desperate attempt to keep as much of himself away from the creature inside him.  
  
“Buck, Buck, look at me.” Steve shushed. “Don’t panic, okay? We don’t know what it can do to you so please don’t freak it out.”  
  
“D-D-Don’t freak out?!” He cried. “I have some kind of monster living in me, feeding off of me, probably controlling me for all we know! I can’t be calm!”  
  
While Bucky was distracted, caught up in his hysteria, Tony stepped in and slipped a needle into his neck, pushing down on the tiny syringe. Before the brunette could even render what happened, his body fell limp, eyes rolling back as he exhaled softly. Swiftly though in horror, Steve fell to his knees to catch him before he hit the floor, holding him in his arms as he looked up at Tony. Blood boiling, he bared his teeth at the man, who stared down at him with face unchanging.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooooh I’m so glad I cut it off right here, its such a good cliffhanger (sorry not sorry) I’ll finish up part 2 and post it in the next couple of days ;)


	11. Stark: Part 2

With eyes wide, Steve frantically looked over Bucky, who lay still in his arms. “What did you do!” He snarled at Tony.  
  
“He was freaking out, Cap, we can’t have him pissing that thing off; I’ve seen Alien enough times to be hyper aware of what can happen in this kind of situation.” He sighed. “I don’t want him to get hurt, okay?”  
  
The comment threw Steve off guard. “Am I supposed to believe that? You just tranquilized him!”  
  
“I did it for his safety.”  
  
“Did you? Or was it for yours?” Steve paused, glaring at Tony still. “You heard him say this thing might be controlling him and that was the last straw, huh?”  
  
“Cap.”  
  
“Or maybe it was that even after all this time you still don’t trust that he’s different?”  
  
“Listen-“  
  
“I’m not going to listen to your excuses! He’s scared, he’s in danger and he wanted your help. _He_ was the one who asked to come here.” He took a deep breath. “And if we had any other choice, I would have said no.”  
  
“Steve.” Tony said with a sigh.  
  
“What?” He replied coldly.  
  
“I want to help him. I really do.”  
  
Steve rolled his eyes as he adjusted his hold on Bucky. “Why? Why would you care after all you did because of him?”  
  
“I’m past that, Steve.” Tony wiped his hand down his face, rubbing at his tired eyes. “I’ve been past it for a while.”  
  
Taken back yet again, Steve watched him in silence as the eerie moments passed. The hum of the machines was audible again in the sudden emptiness of the room.  
  
Steve looked back down at Bucky as he chewed on his lip. “Why didn’t you say anything then?”  
  
“I was waiting until you were ready.”  
  
The blonde scoffed. “Yeah? Well I’ll have you know, that was gonna take a while.”  
  
Tony let out a deep sigh and leaned against the wall. “Everyone told me I should have gone to see you, or even called, but I knew you couldn’t do it yet.”  
  
“I don’t know if I can even do it now.”  
  
After a long moment of nothing, Tony finally nodded. “I know.”  
  
“I...” Steve trailed off. “I really appreciate you helping him, but after this... I think we should take some more time.”  
  
Tony took a deep breath and exhaled slowly through his nose. His disappointment was audible in his breath. “Okay.”  
  
Steve sighed too and looked back down at Bucky. “So now what?”  
  
Pushing himself off the wall, Tony walked over to the platform in the middle of the room. “Up here.” He hopped up onto it and pressed a few buttons on his tablet.  
  
Though reluctant, Steve obeyed and carried Bucky up to the platform before laying him down on it. “What’s this for now?”  
  
Tony stepped down and backed up a bit, typing commands onto the tablet. “I have an analysis machine, mainly used to image and reverse-engineer tech, but I think it can work for this.”  
  
Steve backed up, too, finding himself comfortable no more than a few feet from Bucky. While Tony tapped at the glass, he noticed the unconscious man begin to levitate. He stepped forward, but Tony assured him he’d be fine. A laser began moving up his floating body, rendering a hologram of it in front of Tony. Steve watched anxiously, waiting to see the image of some horrible creature appear in the core of the model. It didn’t.  
  
“Where is it?” He asked, fidgeting with some frayed fabric at the bottom of his shirt.  
  
“I guess I have to calibrate it for organic material. Hold on.”  
  
With a few more lines of commands, the laser went over Bucky again. This time it rendered his organs and a weirdly shaped blob where the creature would be.  
  
Steve groaned. “Oh god, now what the hell is that?”  
  
“It looks like some kind of membrane. It’s impenetrable to the imaging I’m using, but I’m afraid to use anything stronger.”  
  
“What, like an MRI?”  
  
“Yeah but one: I don’t have one and two: his arm is made of metal so that wouldn’t go too well in a magnetic machine.” He shook his head. “I can use sonic imaging but, again, I don’t want to piss this thing off- we have no idea what it’s sensitive to.”  
  
Sighing, Steve rubbed his tired face. “So what do we do then?”  
  
“I don’t think we're gonna be able to get a picture of it, but I can analyze it another way.”  
  
Controversial to Steve as it was, Tony’s plan involved getting Bucky into one of his suits, all of which have monitoring capabilities. When applied to his chest, the compacted suit unfolded around him and soon he was completely encased.  
  
“Alright, Tuesday, I need you to take a blood sample inside the suit.”  
  
The ambient computer chimed again. “I’m scanning now for the best access point…”  
  
“Go for the lower abdomen.”  
  
“That isn’t a good access point.”  
  
“Today it is. Go one inch deep then extract the sample.”  
  
Steve held his breath as he watched the metal suit suspended before him. He couldn’t even see Bucky’s face to know if everything was okay. All he could do was listen for any alerts of the suit sensing something wrong. A few moments later, the suit opened a compartment in the left wrist and there was a tiny vial with no more than 5 drops of red blood.  
  
“I hope this is enough.” Tony said, removing the vial from the compartment before closing it back up.  
  
“I just hope he’s okay.” Steve reached out to rest his hand on the motionless metal suit before he turned to look at Tony, who was already across the room. “It’s red, is that a good sign?”  
  
“No idea. There could be aliens out there with red blood like ours.” He set the vial into a stand then pushed it into a chamber in one of the machines. “We’ll find out in a couple of hours.”  
  
“Takes that long?”  
  
Returning to the platform, Tony tapped at the center of the suit and it folded back up, revealing an unharmed Bucky. “Yeah, it’s high tech but it can be slow at times, especially since half of it is manual and I’m tired as all hell. Speaking of which, you should get some sleep in the meantime.”  
  
Though he’d been yawning this whole time, Steve didn’t feel tired. His eyes didn’t droop like someone’s would if they’d been up all night, like he was. Knowing even scarier things about the creature inside Bucky, he felt as if he may never sleep again. Regardless, he hoisted the unconscious man out of his floating position and carried him off where Tony had directed him to. Back in the living room, Steve sat down on the couch and adjusted Bucky so that his head was resting on his lap. Stroking his hair, he soon did fall asleep.

-

“Steve?” Came a voice.  
  
Steve fluttered his eyes open, adjusting to the light of day illuminating the previously dark room. “Huh? Buck?”  
  
“It’s Tony. I, uh… I got the results.”  
  
He looked around, finding Bucky sitting up next to him, looking as if he’d been awake for a little while. When he focused on Tony, he saw his sunken eyes and messy hair along with something awful in his face, this look of disbelief, or maybe it was discomfort? All of it unsettled him.  
  
He cleared his throat. “So what is it?”  
  
“It’s from Earth.”  
  
Bucky leaned forward. “It’s a parasite then. A new species?”  
  
“Not exactly.” Tony uncomfortably rubbed the back of his neck. “I analyzed the DNA and… it’s a match with you,” he pointed to Bucky, then to Steve, “and you.”  
  
The men were quiet. They looked to each other in confusion then back to Tony, shaking their heads in a desperate need for clarification.  
  
“It’s a fetus.”  
  
Steve nearly choked. “A what?”  
  
“It’s a human fetus, Steve.” He took a deep breath. “He’s pregnant.”  
  
Maybe it was the lack of sleep or food or water, but the room began to spin around Steve and he felt himself swaying. Any further words spoken to him sounded as if they were coming from above the water he seemed to be under, warbled and slow. He looked to his left to find Bucky but couldn’t tell what his reaction was, his face along with the rest of his surroundings continued to blur and twist as it all finally faded to nothing.  
  
Moments later, a wave suddenly washed over him and he shot awake. In his consciousness, Steve saw Tony holding an empty cup dripping out what was left of its contents, the rest of which had been splashed onto him.  
  
“What? What happened?”  
  
“You fainted. Now that’s what I felt like doing after I figured it out.”  
  
“Figured…?” The news had escaped him briefly.  
  
Tony continued for him. “Figured out that Bucky’s pregnant.”  
  
“No, that’s not possible.” Wrestling with the concept, Steve’s face scrunched.  
  
Tony sighed. “It’s not supposed to be, but somehow it is.”  
  
Thoughts and realizations swirled around Steve’s still dizzy head. The vomiting, the emotions, the weight gain, the movements; they all finally made sense. _Bucky’s pregnant._  
  
“Bucky…” He mumbled. “Bucky?”  
  
Beside him still was the brunette, but he was silent and motionless, elbows resting on his legs and his hands in his hair. His head was down and Steve couldn’t see his face, but god knows he needed to see his face.  
  
“Buck?” He put his hand on his back.  
  
The man jumped up, startled by and flinching at the touch. Upon sitting up, it became obvious that his facial expression hadn’t changed from the looks of horror at the possibility it was an alien or parasite. It seemed that to him, nothing was different.  
  
“Bucky?” Steve said again, hoping this time for at least some kind of verbal response.  
  
The brunette looked at him with trembling hands and eyes wide. “I want it out.” He said finally, first to Steve then again to Tony. “I want it out of me.”  
  
Steve blinked. “Buck, hold on, can we talk about this?”  
  
As if he’d been insulted, Bucky snapped at him. “It’s a parasite, Steve, and I want it gone.”  
  
Tony looked somehow even more uncomfortable than before. “Well, I can’t do that for ya, I’m not a surgeon.”  
  
Steve’s eyes shot to Tony, giving him a look of desperation. _Please help._  
  
The goateed man cleared his throat. “Listen, why don’t I send you to a real doctor? Someone who can handle this, I promise.”  
  
“Handle this?” Steve repeated the ominous words.  
  
Tony nodded with a shrug. “Handle the situation in the best possible way. If it means… terminating the pregnancy, then that’s what she’ll do.”  
  
Steve stared at Bucky, hoping with every ounce of his heart that he’d look at him so he could see the need in his eyes. He reached over to the other man’s lap and slowly took his hand. Thankfully, Bucky let him.  
  
Tony watched this and rubbed his hands down his face. “Now why didn’t anyone tell me you two were a thing?”  
  
Steve cleared his throat and looked up at Tony. “It’s only recent.” It warmed his heart to know that his friends didn’t gossip with Tony about his personal life.  
  
“I’ll go set up the jet.” Tony said after a few moments of awkward silence, then headed out of the room towards the elevator.  
  
Now alone with Bucky, Steve turned to him and took his other hand. “Hey.”  
  
Bucky looked at him, his eyes beginning to water. “This changes nothing, Steve. It’s a parasite like any other.”  
  
“No, it’s not. It’s not going to hurt you and it’s not going to control you.” He spoke firmly, his face serious until he cracked a small smile. “It’s just a baby.”  
  
“I… I don’t care.”  
  
“Please-“  
  
“I’m not keeping it, Steve!”  
  
“Let’s just talk ab-“  
  
“No!”  
  
Lips tight, Steve shook his head. “I don’t get it, it’s… it’s your kid, Buck.”  
  
Bucky didn’t respond to this. His arms were crossed over his chest and his face was sour.  
  
Steve leaned in. “It’s our kid.”  
  
“Don’t.” Bucky said quickly.  
  
“Don’t what?”  
  
“Guilt me like that.” He shook his head. “It’s not going to work. I’m sorry.”  
  
“Listen, I don’t know if I want this either, okay?”  
  
“Then why are you trying to change my mind?”  
  
“I’m not, I just want us both to wait awhile and think about it. It’s crazy news and it would change everything, but jumping the gun in either direction would be a bad idea.”  
  
Bucky idly rubbed at his sleeve with his fingers. “How long do you want to wait?”  
  
“I dunno, can you give it a couple of weeks? Just so we can wrap our heads around all this?”  
  
With a sigh, he looked away. “I don’t know, Steve.”  
  
Watching his boyfriend’s worried face, Steve reached out and took his hands. “Please, Buck. I don’t want us to make a decision without thinking everything through.”  
  
The brunette licked his lips and opened his mouth to speak, probably to say another rejection, but he stopped. He relaxed for a moment in thought before finally looking at Steve. “Okay.”  
  
Steve smiled. “Okay?”  
  
Bucky rolled his eyes. “Don’t get all smiley now, it doesn’t mean I’m agreeing to keep it.”  
  
“But you’re agreeing to give it time. Who knows? You might warm up to it, Buck.”  
  
“Oh shut it already.” Bucky said with a smile.  
  
“C’mere babe.” Steve grinned and pulled his boyfriend into a close embrace, taking in his warmth and the smell of his hair. “I love you.”  
  
Nuzzling into the touch, Bucky hummed contently. “I love you too.”  
  
“Alright, you too done yet?” Tony’s voice echoed in the high ceilinged room and they separated, both only slightly embarrassed. “Jet’s out of the hold, ready to go.”  
  
Bucky shifted forward in his seat and stood up. “To go where, exactly?”  
  
“Wakanda.”  
  
Steve blinked. “Wakanda?”  
  
Tony crossed his arms. “Yeah, there’s a doctor there, close friend of T’Challa’s. She’s gonna work on figuring out how the hell this happened.”  
  
Bucky chewed his lip. “So I’m gonna be a test subject.”  
  
“Relax, you’ll be a patient like any other. Except you have an inexplicable and never before seen condition that needs to be evaluated.” Tony clapped his hands together. “So let’s get you guys on that plane, I have things to do today.”  
  
Hand in hand they followed Tony outside to the small Avengers jet waiting for them.  
  
Sunglasses on, Tony hurried the men on board. “Coordinates are set and I let them know you’re coming, so chop chop.”  
  
With Bucky already inside, Steve stayed on the stairs and looked down at Tony. “Thank you.”  
  
Tony nodded. “When you’re ready, my doors open. Just not at 4am.”  
  
He left the man with a smile and boarded the jet, the stairs automatically collapsing back into a compartment below the door as it closed shut. He walked over to where Bucky was sitting and joined him by the window.  
  
“Hey, you okay?”  
  
Bucky took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah. It… it’ll take some getting used to.”  
  
“Definitely.”  
  
While it seemed Bucky was still actively trying to keep his hands away from his middle, Steve found himself drawn to it all over again in a different way than before. Before they knew, it was just a cute and sexy part of Bucky, but now… now it was something more. Now it was their baby, their small but active baby that they made together, somehow. Steve thought about all the signs that went misunderstood; the tiredness, the weight gain, the vomiting. The vomiting. His heart sank for a moment. _All that time, he was telling the truth._  
  
“Buck?”  
  
“Hm?”  
  
“I’m so, so sorry for all the stuff I said when you were sick.”  
  
Bucky blinked. “Yeah?”  
  
“Yeah. I… I just was so worried you were doing it to yourself and I didn’t know how else to deal with it.” He shook his head. “I just wanted to help you.”  
  
“I know. Thank you for taking care of me every time it happened. You never once just gave up and said you were done trying.”  
  
“Of course I didn’t, I love you.”  
  
“I love you, too.”  
  
Hand in hand, they shared the view as the plane took off, leaving behind the facility and the man who helped them that day. With his free hand, Steve subtly waved goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tah dah!!! The moment you’ve all been waiting for finally arrived: they officially know bucky’s pregnant and even though nobody knows why or neither of them know how exactly to feel about it, they’re gonna be okay :)


	12. Whatever it Takes

Much to Steve’s relief, Bucky had fallen back asleep once they got in the air. His arms were crossed over his chest, accentuating the small curve of his belly as he was reclined in his seat. Steve looked at it curiously, thinking with great diligence. In his lap was a notepad and he fiddled with a pen while chewing on his lip. He had begun making a list, the pros and cons of keeping the baby. Some things he scribbled out and wrote on the opposite side, just further confusing himself. There were so many good things about it, but still so many bad. Sure they’d have this possibly once in a lifetime chance at being biological parents, but the stress of pregnancy and motherhood, not to mention the inevitable postpartum depression, may be too much for Bucky in his current mental state.  
On his own side, though the simple idea of taking care of a sweet little baby was tempting, Steve worried he wasn’t ready to be a father and take on all that would require. He’d have to teach and train and be diligent in making sure the kid turned out right, praying every step of the way that they’d be as good hearted as he is and stay away from doing wrong. He imagined for a moment a headline 20 years from now: Captain America’s Kid on Evil Rampage with World’s Villains! Shuddering at the thought, his eyes fell to Bucky’s belly again, watching as his fingers so gently twitched on it in his sleep. Steve sighed and put aside the notepad before looking out the window.  
He’d heard things about Wakanda but he’d never actually been there. Apparently, Tony was a frequent visitor, working with engineers there on integrating their technologies with his own and vice versa. Outside the window, they began their decent over the vast jungle, the branches of the huge trees splaying outwards to create a roof of green over the ground below. The jet soared through air over this jungle and then it was suddenly gone, replaced by a bountiful city.  
Steve blinked, wondering if he’d imagined this. The image still there when he opened his eyes, he realized this must be true. Why did nobody tell him this was the truth behind Wakanda? The aircraft continued its decent and soon hovered above a landing pad at the center of the city before finally landing. Outside on the tarmac stood the Wakandan king, T’Challa.  
“Your majesty.” Steve said with a nod upon approaching him.  
Bucky bowed his head too after he zipped up his hoodie, definitely hoping his belly wasn’t too noticeable. Steve knew it was, but it was okay since he knew Tony had briefed their hosts on the situation.  
“Captain Rogers.” The king replied, extending his hand.  
“It’s still just Steve.” He smiled and shook the man’s hand.  
“Steve.” T’Challa smiled back. “Mr. Stark called me this morning. He sounded very tired but he made it clear that you two are in need of assistance with a… personal issue.”  
Bucky cleared his throat. “Did he mention what it was?”  
“He did. But trust me, this information will stay between us and Dr. Akiri.”  
The brunette nodded and slipped his hand into Steve’s.  
“If you would follow me to our medical center, she is waiting for us there.”  
Demeanor like a king, T’Challa was a fine host and guide. He led the men through various high-tech buildings and finally into the medical center. Steve had asked for clarification on what exactly that meant and T’Challa replied that it’s a hospital for advanced cases, instances where more than basic medical care is needed. The reminder that what was going on was definitely not normal and that Bucky would have to undergo all this testing, sent a shiver up Steve’s spine. The brunette was holding on tightly to his boyfriend, and Steve knew he was scared as well.  
Once inside the facility and in the correct room, Bucky tensed even more. The equipment was new, more advanced than anything they’d seen in Tony’s lab. It felt all of a sudden like they were in some futuristic hospital, and Steve would be lying if he said he wasn’t afraid of that, too.  
A tall, old woman soon emerged from behind a machine. “Hello and welcome. I am Dr. Takute Akiri.”  
Steve stepped forward and shook her left hand she had held out towards him. “Steve Rogers, pleased to meet you.”  
Bucky soon did the same, extending his metal arm. “James Barnes.”  
Dr. Akiri raised a brow at this, but still shook his hand. “Mr. Stark did not mention this about you.”  
Bucky gulped. “Is it a problem?”  
“No, not a problem. Just interesting.”  
Seeing that Bucky was looking at him, Steve returned the glance and shrugged.  
“Now, we have no time to lose.” She began, clapping her hands together. “Undress, put on the gown, and then seat yourself in the chair. I will be back in a few minutes.”  
With that, the doctor left, T’Challa going with her after nodding to the men. Alone in what felt like a sterile nightmare, they followed instructions and Bucky began to undress. Off came his hoodie and then his pants, waiting until he absolutely had to to remove his shirt. When he did, Steve saw the bump again. The last time he saw it bare like this, he was terrified of it. Now he sighed and smiled just a little at the sight of it, rounding out Bucky’s belly in the sweetest way possible.  
“You done starin’?” Bucky interrupted his daydream.  
“Huh?” Steve said as he blinked back to reality.  
Bucky sighed as he slipped on the gown. “Quit looking at it, it’s weird.”  
Steve rolled his eyes. “Not weird, but I will stop staring if it’s making you uncomfortable.”  
“It is.” Bucky turned around, exposing his bare backside to Steve. “Can you tie this?”  
Steve took the strings in his hands and tied a bow that hung loose on his upper back. “Butt’s still out, though.” He smirked and gave the exposed skin a playful spank.  
“Hey!” Bucky exclaimed as he turned around, revealing to Steve his blushing face.  
They shared a quick kiss before Bucky hopped onto the chair, keeping his legs dangling in between the shiny metal stirrups on either side of him. It wasn’t long before Dr. Akiri returned, alone this time. Steve was glad T’Challa deemed this a private situation.  
“Oh.” The doctor said upon seeing Bucky. “Your gown is on backwards.”  
Bucky’s brow raised. “Do hospital gowns work differently now? I mean I always saw them tied in the back.”  
She chuckled at the comment. “No, they still work that way as well, but this is a different kind of gown. It opens in the front for gynecological exams.”  
Still confused, Bucky looked to Steve then back to the doctor. “Why can’t I wear it like this?”  
“Because I need to examine your abdomen.”  
“I don’t want to turn it around. I’ll be all exposed ‘n’ everything.”  
“Well, that is the point. Would you like your partner to wait outside?”  
Bucky blinked. “Why would I want that?”  
Adjusting her glasses, Dr. Akiri gave a gentle shrug. “It isn’t uncommon for patients to be embarrassed or uncomfortable with their situation.”  
“No no, I want him here.” Bucky said with a gulp. “Alright, I’ll turn it around.”  
Standing up from his seat, Bucky fiddled with the gown and pulled in his arms, allowing Steve to turn it around so the ties were in the front. Seeing now how it was supposed to go, Steve retied the knot and left Bucky looking like he was in a medical kimono.  
“There, that is correct.” Dr. Akiri nodded and set down her clipboard on the counter beside her. “Now, let me take a look at you.”  
The doctor slipped on some blue rubber gloves and approached Bucky, making his unease rise visibly. Steve took his hand as Dr. Akiri opened his gown below the knot and exposed his bare belly. Her rubbery fingers tapped at the skin, at the top, along the sides, and at the bottom. Bucky’s chest was tight and he looked as if he was holding his breath. Steve gave his hand a gentle squeeze and he seemed to relax. It was then that the doctor pulled a tape measure out of her pocket and unrolled it, spreading it over the swell of Bucky’s middle from top to bottom.  
She hummed. “Smaller than expected for this point.”  
Steve frowned. “How much smaller? Is that bad?”  
“I will measure the fetus on the ultrasound to be sure, but it looks to be quite a few weeks behind the growth curve.”  
As the doctor headed over to the machine to set it up, Bucky remained quiet with his eyes shut tight. Steve worried about him, knowing he was so uncomfortable.  
He sighed. “Do you want me to look away with you? Face the other way, maybe?”  
Bucky opened an eye and pursed his lips. “You don’t have to.”  
“Will it make you feel better?”  
“I don’t know.”  
Hearing this and seeing Bucky’s discomfort for herself, Dr. Akiri cleared her throat. “If you don’t want to see anything, I can turn the screens away.”  
Steve nodded. “Yes, please.”  
The doctor turned the monitors towards her desk, at an angle where only she could see them. She then instructed Bucky to recline back in the chair. He did so and his face twisted as cold gel was rubbed over his middle.  
“Hey,” Steve started, squeezing his hand, “it’s okay.”  
The sensor traversing his skin, Bucky winced, trying his best to ignore it. Dr. Akiri made faces at the monitors as she pushed the sensor in a little bit.  
Watching her expressions, Steve hummed. “What’s wrong?”  
“Still just very small.”  
“What does that mean? Is it okay? Is Buck okay?”  
“I’m not sure. It could be the size of the artificial womb. I’m seeing some sort of membrane here on the sonic scan, I don’t know how restricting to stretch it is.”  
Bucky sat up. “Artificial womb?”  
“Whatever this is, it was put here surgically. I can see scars around the opening.” She tapped the screen with her free hand. “It’s very advanced work, the technology that did this must be recent.”  
Steve’s eyes widened and he looked down to see Bucky’s had done so, too. “Hydra.” They both whispered.  
“They must have done it right before you found me.” Bucky said, looking up at Steve.  
“I guess so.” The blonde chewed on his lip. “But why? What’s the point of this?”  
Dr. Akiri shrugged. “I don’t know how we would find out; from what I know, the organization called Hydra is long gone.”  
“Well, let’s think rationally about it. We have time to figure it out, right?”  
“Yes. James has about 3 more months to go.”  
Bucky blinked. “Wait, out of how many months?”  
“Out of 9. I estimated you at roughly 6 months along by the strength of the fetus, but its size is comparable to one at a little more than 4 months.”  
Confusion spread on Steve’s face and his lips moved as he counted in his head. “That’s impossible, we… we didn’t have sex until about 5 months ago.”  
Bucky’s breathing hitched and he clutched the paper sheet underneath him. “Is it not supposed to be this kicking this hard at 4 months?”  
Dr. Akiri stepped forward, rubbing her chin. “Movement shouldn’t be able to be felt from the outside until around 25 weeks, and even then it’s gentle.”  
“I don’t understand.” Bucky shook his head. “I’m no more than 4 or 5 months along, but it’s… stronger than it should be?”  
While Bucky and the doctor discussed the specifics, Steve sunk into his own thoughts. _How is this possible?_ he spent a while thinking about everything, trying to piece it all together. If anything, it seemed as if the baby should have been weaker since Bucky wasn’t eating enough. _Then why is it so much stronger?_ His anxious thoughts were reflected in his body and his grip on Bucky’s hand became tighter and tighter until the man winced.  
“Steve?” He said. “Steve, you’re hurting my hand.”  
Steve snapped back to reality and let go. “I’m sorry.” He said quietly, his eyes sullen for a moment before widening. “The serum.”  
Bucky gasped. “Oh shit…”  
“Serum?” Dr. Akiri said as she tilted her head.  
“I was injected with a serum developed by Stark’s father and ended up with all this superhuman strength. I… I didn’t know it could affect my reproductive cells, but I guess it did.”  
Bucky’s eyes were wide as well. “Shit…”  
The doctor jotted some things down on her clipboard. “I do not fully understand your situations and histories, but that may be a serious factor in why this is happening.”  
“What do you mean?” Steve’s hand was on Bucky’s shoulder now.  
“Perhaps this Hydra organization deliberately set this up, implanted this system in James and in anticipation that you would impregnate him.”  
“What the hell could they gain from this if the only way I could have ever gotten this close to Steve would be to escape them entirely?” Bucky was fuming at this point.  
“Exactly.” Steve agreed. “They’d have no way of getting him now, even if they were still around.”  
“I wouldn’t be too confident, Steve.” Dr. Akiri’s voice was grim.  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”  
“Hydra has come back before, hasn’t it?”  
“Well…”  
“I think it’s best for you to be open to all the possibilities.”  
He sighed. “So, if this was part of Hydra’s plan and they’re after the kid, what do we do?”  
“Kill it.” Bucky said without pause.  
“Buck...”  
“We have to kill it, Steve. It’s the only way to ensure Hydra doesn’t get the serum.”  
The doctor shook her head. “I know it seems like an easy solution, but I’m afraid that’s far too risky for your situation.”  
Bucky groaned aggravatedly, shutting his gown and crossing his arms over his chest tightly. “What the hell am I supposed to do then?”  
“Go into hiding, perhaps. As far as I know, Hydra has no way of knowing this is happening.” She looked at the door then back to the men. “I can talk to the king. You are friends of his and he may give you refuge here in Wakanda.”  
Steve and Bucky shared a worried look, both obviously unsure of where to go from here.  
“I’ll let you two think about it.” The doctor gathered her things and headed towards the door. “When you’re ready, talk to his highness.”  
Steve nodded and set his hand back down on Bucky’s shoulder. The men looked at each other and Steve sighed.  
“I don’t know what to do...” He said worriedly.  
“I can’t believe I’m just some Hydra guinea pig.” Bucky put his face in his hands. “They just used me to get to you, didn’t they? How could I have been so stupid?”  
“No. You had no idea they put that system in you, this was all just part of their plan.”  
“But I-”  
“Stop, Buck.” Steve interrupted. “I love you and I you need to know that this isn’t your fault and you can’t beat yourself up over it.” He took Bucky’s flesh hand and held it to his face. “I’m fucking terrified, but we have to be strong together if we’re gonna get through this.”  
“How the hell are we supposed to do that? We’re stuck with this… thing! This thing that I don’t want and even you’re not sure you want!”  
Bucky got up from his seat and started pacing around the room, prompting Steve to follow him.  
“Hey, hey,” he started, catching up to him and holding his shoulders, “stop freaking out, we have to actually think.”  
At this point, Bucky was hyperventilating. “It’s a trap, Steve! I’m walking around with a goddamn weapon inside me!”  
“Bucky please, it’s just a baby…”  
“It’s not a baby, it’s a weapon and they used us to make it!”  
The sound of shallow breaths filled the quiet white room as Bucky began to break down. His knees hit the hard floor when he dropped to them, hunching over with his face in his hands.  
“I don’t want to do this, Stevie!” He cried, tears falling down between his fingers. “I don’t want any of this!”  
Steve was at his side, hand on his back as he too began to cry. “Buck, it’s gonna be okay. It is!”  
“How?” Bucky sobbed, looking up at Steve with a red and wet face. “How the hell is this gonna be okay? We’re stuck, Steve! Stuck with this ticking time bomb!”  
“What makes you think it’s a time bomb?”  
“Sooner or later, Hydra’s gonna come for me. They’re gonna brainwash me and slice me open and take it and leave me to die right there, and then-“  
“Bucky!” Steve shouted before lowering his head. “Sorry for yelling at you but… that’s not gonna happen, okay?”  
“How can you be so sure?”  
“Because I’m going to protect you.” He took the man’s hands. “Whatever it takes, I’ll protect you.”  
Trying to control his quivering lip, Bucky nodded. “Does that mean you want to stay here, then?”  
Steve took a deep breath in before exhaling slowly. “Whatever it takes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally another chapter!!! I’m so sorry for the wait, this semester has be soooo busy so far and the only time I find to write is right before I fall asleep so I end up with about a paragraph and a half before I pass out... Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and it explains a little bit of the backstory about what’s going on ^_^


	13. Cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest I’ve ever gone in between updates on this story and I am so sorry!! College life is the busy life and I never get any writing done anymore Dx I’ll try my best to keep updates more frequent and make sure the story stays interesting!

“Did you find out where he is?” Bucky asked while pulling up his jeans.

Steve closed the door behind him as he walked back into the all white lab. “Yeah, doc says he should be coming out of a conference in a little bit, so we gotta head over there to meet him when he’s done.”

“To where?” Bucky grumbled with a frown, sucking in to fasten the metal button.

“I guess the main building? She gave me walking directions so I’m assuming it’s not too far.”

Bucky pushed his lips to one side. “Is that a good idea?”

“What?”

“I dunno, just walking around in the open. Now that we know Hydra could be after me, shouldn’t we lay low?”

Steve shrugged. “Actually, I think we’re the only outsiders.”

“Seriously?”

Although they had made the world aware of their presence and advanced technology, Wakanda remained a very private country. Shortly after becoming the king, T’Challa announced that they would share their technology with the outside world and provide assistance when needed, but wished that the kingdom remain physically closed off from it. It made sense that Tony would send them here, knowing they’d be safe from outside harm.

While thinking how impossible it would have been for Hydra to infiltrate the country at all, Steve nodded. “Yeah, I think we’ll be okay.”

Because of the whole ‘no tourism’ thing, eyes all around fell on the men as they shuffled by through the city to their destination, the Citadel. Bucky’s hands were in his hoodie pockets and Steve walked just a bit in front of him, his left side covering Bucky from a possible attack. _Wait, attack?_ Steve shook his head. He was safe there, he had to realize that.

A tall, metallic building soon stood before them and they approached it only to be stopped by security. Steve tensed when he saw their spears. It was so primitive, but he knew how well they could use them. Bucky laid a hand on his shoulder and he sighed. _Safe._

“Steve Rogers and James Barnes, friends and guests of the King.”

One of the guards raised her chin and narrowed her eyes at them. “Identification, please.”

Steve took out his wallet which contained both his driver’s license and Bucky’s ID card. He showed them both to her and she lowered her guard.

“Yes, he is expecting you.” She nodded to each of them. “Captain Rogers. Sergeant Barnes.”

With a pair of nods in return, the men walked past and into the building, marveling at the futuristic architecture the likes of which they’d only seen in Tony’s most advanced structures. Once upstairs where they were told to go, they found the king waiting for them there.

“So,” he began, “I hear that you seek asylum.”

Steve nodded. “He... we need to stay somewhere safe until we can figure this all out. Then maybe longer after that.”

T’Challa started to pace around them, his hands behind him as he glanced out the large windows. “There is a place I had built rather recently. It’s hidden in the mountains.”

Bucky leaned forward. “Nobody will find us there?”

“I don’t believe they will.”

Steve cleared his throat. “T’Challa, are you sure this is alright? It’s an awful lot to ask of you.”

“Steve, have you forgotten who offered to shelter you while you were a wanted man? While you both were fugitives?”

“I know, but even then I thought it was too much so we hid somewhere else until we could work out the deal.”

“Just as your deal is upheld with the Avengers, my offer still stands. This time, I fear you are in real danger.”

Bucky gulped, grabbing Steve’s hand. “We think so, too.”

“So stay here in Wakanda, where you’ll be safe and taken care of.” He paused. “The three of you.”

Steve saw Bucky shift awkwardly in the corner of his eye and he gently squeezed his hand. Bucky hummed in response, though still noticeably uncomfortable with the fact that so many people knew.

T’Challa sighed. “The security is high in my new headquarters, and Dr. Akiri can visit you there.”

“Alright.” Steve said finally. “We’ll do it.”

The king nodded. “Even if you said no, I would have made you stay.”

“I know.”

The men were guided then to their new home, the king’s panther-shaped headquarters that was just as secluded as he said it was. Within it, there were a few different floors: a commanding office, a laboratory, a wares keep, and finally a living space. Steve and Bucky were told they would be restricted to their floor and couldn’t leave unless escorted in disguise.

“While Wakanda is safe for you, it is very different from your home. Two white men walking together will draw attention, just as it did today, if I’m correct?”

Steve nodded. “But what’s the worst that would happen?”

“If seeing you two became a regular occurance, the people may start to ask questions. Telling them we broke our policy and allowed foreigners into the country will be just as bad as saying we’re harboring you from danger.”

Bucky’s face scrunched. “Would it, though?”

T’Challa shook his head. “I have no time to explain to you how easy it is to dethrone me if my people decide I made poor decisions as their king.”

“Alright.” The brunette said as he nodded.

“Now, I assume you’ll need to have things taken care of back at your home. Utilities, subscriptions, your belongings.” He sighed. “Your apartment.”

“Our apartment?” Steve shook his head. “No, no, we’re not cancelling our rental, I don’t care if I have to keep paying for it. That’s our home, we’re gonna go back to it eventually, right?”

He knew very well that their apartment was one of the main things that kept Bucky sane. It was a constant in his life. It was where they woke up every day, cooked their meals, did their day to day activities that made Bucky so grounded in his new reality. Steve understood that taking it away completely just might break him.

“We have to be sure. We have to eliminate any trace of you so Hydra thinks you simply moved somewhere else. I guarantee you they’d never think to look here.”

Steve scratched his head, tilting it with an understanding nod. “I know. But can’t we at least do something to keep it for when we get out of all this? There has to be a way.”

T’Challa shrugged. “I don’t know if there is. The building’s owner cannot simply lie on your behalf to ward off any Hydra agents that come by. It would put them in danger.”

A sniffle came from next to Steve and he turned to see Bucky with tears pooling in his eyes. “Buck?”

“That’s my home, Steve… it’s our home. I… I don’t know any other one.”

He wrapped his arms around him. “It’s gonna be okay. This is home for now, alright? And then when this is all over, we can find a new apartment; we’ll get one in the same building if we can, and put all the furniture back just the right way. That sound good?”

Bucky shook his head against Steve’s chest. “I don’t know! Those are just up-in-the-air plans, they’re not real yet and that’s nothing I can ground myself on!”

Steve shushed him and put his hand in the brown hair. “We can’t do anything about it now, okay? We just have to work through this together and then we can look forward to a better future.”

Bucky was quiet now aside from a few sniffles and hums of discontent.

T’Challa stood there still. He watched this and lowered his head. “I’m incredibly sorry this is the way it must be. It will hopefully only be a short while before we find the people behind this.”

“I know, and I want to help.” Steve said firmly and Bucky looked up at him. “I want to be out there when we find them, I want to bring em in and make em pay for this.”

“I would be honored if you would help with this. We need your knowledge of Hydra and who else might still be around.”

“I’ll do my best.” The blonde said as he extended his hand to the king. “Thank you again, T’Challa.”

With a nod and a firm shake, the king entered the elevator to bring him to the ground floor’s exit, leaving Bucky and Steve standing before their new home, completely unsure of what to do next.

-

In the coming days, their treasured belongings arrived: photo albums and special keepsakes. The rest went to storage elsewhere in the kingdom, not to be seen again until the men would be allowed to go home. _Home?_ Steve thought as he let the water flow over him in the unfamiliar shower. _There is no home anymore._ He ran his hands over his face and leaned against the wall, starting to cry just a bit.

Bucky came in to use the oddly shaped bathroom and heard the quiet sobs hidden in the sound of the water. “Steve?”

With a sharp sniffle and a rub at his eyes, Steve stood up straight and went right back to washing himself. “Yeah, babe?”

“Steve.” Bucky said lowly and Steve knew there was no hiding anything from him.

“What?” He said as he opened the curtain enough to peek his head out. “I can’t have time to myself to deal with my emotions?”

“Why do you have to deal with them alone? I’m sad too, I’d rather be crying with you than alone in that weird bed.”

Steve sighed. “I… I don’t want to make it worse for you.”

“Worse for me?”

“Y-yeah.” He paused, looking at his boyfriend with such a worried expression, it made Bucky’s face contort as well. “I feel like if I don’t pretend everything’s okay, you’ll have nothing to ground on.”

“Stevie…” Bucky breathed. “If you’re upset, you’re upset. Talk to me.”

Steve shook his head. “I have to be your rock, nothing else is anymore.”

“I know. But what I need more than you pretending to be fine is us grieving together. This is hard…” He whimpered. “This is hard and I hate it but it would be better if we didn’t have these feelings alone.”

Shoulder still pressed against the cold metal wall, Steve sniffled and wiped his face. “Okay.” He said finally, standing up straight.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Bucky pursed his lips. “Can I come in?”

Steve nodded quickly. “Please.”

The brunette undressed and stepped behind the curtain and into the eerie shower. Steve watched the emotions on his boyfriend’s face express his confusion and discontent, like he’d done upon seeing every other part of their new home. They looked at each other for a short while before allowing themselves to cry.

“I hate it so much,” Steve sobbed gently, “I hate it, Buck, I just wanna go home.”

Taking the man into his arms and resting his cheek against the wet blonde hair, Bucky sobbed, too. “I know.”

The situation that unfolded in the last few days hours was horrible, life changing, and so utterly painful, that Steve had just about forgotten why they were even there. That is, until he felt Bucky squeeze him tight, the tiny bump pressing against him.

“Hey,” Steve spoke gently, “not too tight.”

Bucky leaned back to look at Steve, obviously more than just puzzled. “Are you serious?”

Steve was quiet, he only shrugged.

“This thing is the reason we’re stuck here, Steve. It’s why we have to live like this for who knows how long!” Bucky spat words hotter than the water that fell on Steve’s back.

“Buck-“

“Don’t ‘Buck’ me. I wanted to come in here and be able to cry with you and share my feelings but I don’t want any part of this… this… stupid sympathization thing you’ve got going on!”

“Stupid sympa… what are you talking about?”

“You care about this thing. That’s obvious. Don’t know why, considering it’s a burden and a danger to not just me, but to, I don’t know, the rest of the world?”

“It’s not a danger, Buck, it’s IN danger. And so are you. THAT is why we’re here.” Steve shook his head. “You agreed we’d give it a little time to figure out exactly what we want.”

“Yeah, doesn’t mean I have to like it!”

“Of course it doesn’t mean you have to like it!” Steve had raised his voice just a little. “But for fuck’s sake, Bucky, you can't hurt it between now and then!”

“But-”

“If you hurt this baby now and if we decide later we want to keep it, then what? We could have a crippled kid, a sick kid, an insane kid for all we know.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, unaffected by the change in volume. “It’s already fucked up, we know that!”

“Oh, does that mean that I’m fucked up then? Do you think the serum fucked me up? Changed who I am as a person?”

The brunette didn’t reply.

“Yeah, didn’t think so.” Steve took a deep breath and lowered his head for a moment before looking at Bucky. “I love you, but you need to calm down. I get that you’re angry and you want to not care, but you have to be cautious; I mean, you’re…”

“Please don’t say the word.” Bucky spoke finally.

“I didn’t want to either.”

Bucky nodded. “Good.”

Steve went to wipe the tears from his face, only to remember he was in the shower. “Did you wanna get clean or did you just come in here to be mad at me?”

“Not mad at you.” Bucky grumbled, looking down at his belly but immediately averting his gaze. “Mad at… it.”

Steve sighed again, taking Bucky’s hands in his. “Me too.”

The brunette raised his eyebrows. “Really?”

“You don’t think I’m not pissed about all this? That we have to spend the next 6 months of our lives here, maybe more?” He shrugged. “This blows.”

“Yeah, it really does.” Bucky exhaled deeply before reaching to grab the bottle of shampoo from behind Steve.

“Am I finally gonna get to wash that beautiful Bucky hair?”

“I can do it myself…”

“I know you can, but I want to. We haven’t done this in a while, yknow?”

Bucky looked down at the bland tile floor. “But there’s no bathtub?”

“Doesn’t matter, I can still cuddle ya and wash your hair standing up, right?”

After receiving a gentle nod in response, Steve took the shampoo from Bucky and squeezed some into his hand. Massaging it into the tousled brown hair, Steve finally felt relaxed. He heard quiet hums come from his boyfriend every now and then and he smiled at each one. Eventually, Bucky’s back was resting lightly against his chest as he rinsed out the soap.

Over the man’s shoulder, he could see the curve of his belly, accentuated by the soap and bubbles on it. He gazed at it with discontent, trying to be angry at the being inside, but he couldn’t. _It’s not its fault, I know that._ He sighed, tilting to rest his head against Bucky’s and watching the water run over his bump. _It may be Hydra’s plan, but it’s **my** kid. _

__

__

With Bucky unaware of his thoughts, Steve found himself feeling more blissful than he had in… _days?_ It had really only been three days since he was on the couch with Bucky, resting his hand on his belly as they watched TV. They were so comfortable then, so happily unaware of the storm that was already coming. It was as if thunder had struck when Steve felt the kick on his hand, and it’s been a downpour ever since. At least now, they had this pocket of sunshine, the warmth of each other and the calm in their breaths. 

Steve turned his head and pressed a kiss on Bucky’s jaw. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So their home is gone, their old life is gone, and all they have now is eachother and the tiny little accident they call “it”. Bucky’s 100% hating this but Steve needs to make sure he doesn’t lose his mind and also be careful not to hurt himself or the baby. I’m gonna tell you right off the bat, that’s gonna be REEAAAAL HARD.  
> On another note, I’m really happy with how this chapter turned out. I feel it’s important to include real aspects of a healthy relationship in fanfiction, so I made sure to have Steve and Bucky expressing their feelings together and not holding stuff in. While angst is fun to read an all, it’s nice to have healthy communication and to cry together every once in a while :D


	14. Fort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, finally!! I’ve had a busy month and it’s only gonna get busier until the semester’s over, so I wouldn’t expect another chapter until after Christmas :( but don’t worry! This one’s long and good!!!

“Try to slow your breathing, James.” Dr. Akiri spoke smoothly into the intercom from behind the glass in the control room.

Steve stood beside her, his forehead wrinkled with worry as he watched his boyfriend squirm on the examination table.

“Like I’ve been saying, it’s hard to stay calm and sit still when it’s moving like this.”

“You got this Bucky,” Steve leaned over to the intercom, “you made it through the ultrasound and the blood test, now this is the last thing for the day. Just breathe slowly, it might help.”

“Might?” Bucky groaned. “Can’t I get a muscle relaxer or something?”

“Definitely not.” The doctor spoke firmly.

With a heavy sigh, Bucky laid still and soon his face scrunched. “Do the scan already, this is killing me!”

Dr. Akiri rolled her eyes and nudged Steve. “Such a cry baby, isn’t he?” She whispered without pressing the intercom button.

Steve couldn’t help but chuckle a little, though he still watched with discomfort at Bucky’s situation. The man did this often before he would fall asleep, tossing and turning at the apparently tortuous feeling of the baby moving; he thought back to how he said that it felt like a spoon scraping at his insides, that it didn’t hurt but was incredibly uncomfortable. While Steve cringed at the thought of a feeling so strange, a white line of light began to pass over Bucky, starting at his head.

Bucky’s knuckles were white as the beam while his hands gripped tightly at the sides of his medical gown. “Is it over?” He whimpered.

“Not yet.” Dr. Akiri said. “Hold still, please, for just a few more moments.”

The brunette, with his eyes shut tight and chin wrinkling, looked as if he was about to cry. Steve leaned towards the door, ready to burst in as soon as the scan was done. The scanning beam passed over his middle and moved down to his knees, then over his feet. When it was done, the light disappeared and the machine beeped.

Before Dr. Akiri could even tell him it was over, Bucky was already sitting up and hunching over the edge of the table. “God damn it!”

Steve pushed through the door and rushed to Bucky’s side, instinctively putting a hand to his back. “Hey, you’re alright.”

“Like hell I am.”

“Stop it, you’re fine.”

“Listen, it wouldn’t be so bad if it was a small nudge here and there, okay? That I can learn to deal with. But this?” Bucky threw his head back with a groan. “It just keeps punching me in all directions. What purpose does that even have?!”

The blonde shrugged. “It’s probably just bored. I know we are.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Well, if it wasn’t around, I’d be able to do more with my days.”

“C’mon, we’ll find stuff to do.”

“I dunno Steve,” Bucky said as he scooted forward to the table’s edge, “but I do know that I’m getting real tired of crossword puzzles.”

Holding his arms, Steve helped him off the examination table. “Yeah? Never thought I’d hear that.”

“Get used to it, I think I’m gonna get sick of a lot of things while we’re here.”

Steve looked at him sweetly after spinning him around. “Not gonna get sick of me, are ya?”

Bucky returned the gaze. “Psh, never.” He slid his hand behind the blonde’s neck and pulled him close for a kiss,

Interrupting the moment, Dr. Akiri walked into the examination room with a tablet in hand. “James, I need you to take a look at this.”

The moment of love and affection was tarnished by sudden worry, the emotion shown clearly on Bucky’s suddenly pale face. “I already said I don’t wanna see it.”

“No, not the fetus. It’s your brain.”

“My… brain?” Bucky leaned forward to look at the tablet.

Dr. Akiri placed herself between Bucky and Steve to show them both the image on the screen. “You’re showing signs of depression, likely caused by stress.”

His brow furrowed. “How can you tell?”

“The dark areas here.” She said as she motioned to a lobe with her finger.

“Well this stuff isn’t exactly new.” Steve added, looking only at Bucky.

The brunette shrugged. “I mean, I know I haven’t been my best since this whole thing started… but I thought I was doing okay until then. With the recovery and everything.”

Steve looked down. “You still had a ways to go, but you were definitely getting better and better.”

“And then what? This bullshit happened and ruined everything.”

“Hey, I don’t think the progress you made is gone, if that’s what you’re implying. You just hit a roadblock, is all.”

With a groan, Bucky leaned back against the side of the examination table. “But I won’t be able to get back to progressing until this is all over.”

“Who said you can’t still make progress?” Steve stepped back and reached down for his hand. “We can keep working on it while we’re here.”

“Don’t see how. This isn’t exactly a great environment for me to thrive in.”

“Doesn’t have to be. We’ll make it good.”

“You’re going to have to.” Dr. Akiri chimes in finally. “Stress is detrimental to the fetus and enough of it could-“

Bucky cut her off, waving a hand up. “I get that I can’t hurt it, but I’m not going out of my way to make it happy, okay?”

“As I was saying,” she continued, her eyes squinted, “too much stress can put the pregnancy and therefore your own health at risk. Not to mention all the other health issues that arise from stress, such as depression.”

Steve bit his lip. “Is he okay for now?”

“Yes, but if this continues, things could get worse and harder to repair.”

Meddling with the hem of his gown, Bucky looked down at his hands. “So, what, am I gonna have to meditate or whatever?”

“Perhaps. You must do whatever you can to lower your stress levels.” The doctor tilted her head. “This may mean coming out of your comfort zone.”

Bucky sighed again and looked to Steve, who nodded his head in sympathetic agreement. The brunette rolled his eyes in response and pushed off from his leaning position to head towards the door. Steve supposed he was going back to the main room where his clothes were.

“Steve,” Dr. Akiri began, “I’m relying on you to keep him in check.”

“Me? No, he’s not gonna listen to me about this, he’ll think I’m making it about the baby instead of him.”

She tilted her head. “Then don’t tell him.”

“What do you mean?”

“Guide his health and well-being without letting him know it.” She wisely raised her chin and eyebrows. “That way, he won’t think about it as much.”

Steve nodded slowly, rubbing at his chin as he processed the idea. “Yeah, I think I can make that work.”

“You must.” The doctor replied. “I want an update in two weeks when I come to see him at the base.”

“Alright.”

With a handshake and a few thanks, Steve left the room to find Bucky halfway dressed outside. The man was hopping in place to get his jeans up all the way, causing Steve to giggle just a bit.

“You gonna keep laughing or are you gonna help me?”

“Yeah, lemme over there.” Steve walked up to him and grabbed his jeans by the loop in the back, tugging upward. “Whatcha wanna do tonight?”

“I dunno.” Bucky said as he sucked in long enough fasten the button. “Probably start reading another book.”

“How about we do something better?”

“Better?”

“Yeah, like be creative or something.” Steve’s eyes widened in excitement. “We can build a blanket fort.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “A blanket fort?”

“C’mon, it’ll be fun! We can build it together and then sleep in it tonight.”

Shoving his metal arm through his jacket sleeve, the brunette shrugged. “I dunno, Steve.”

Steve took the back of his boyfriend’s coat and helped him get the other sleeve on before leaning in to his neck. “We can fool around? Haven’t done that in a while.”

“There’s a reason we haven’t done that in a while.”

“Yeah but it’s not like it’s bad or anything! We were doing it long before we knew.”

“It’s not that, it’s just the idea, yknow?”

“What do you mean?”

As they walked towards the door, Bucky’s face scrunched. “It just seems weird now. Sex got us into this.” He groaned, throwing his head back. “Why couldn’t I just be one to do the fucking?”

Steve let out a chuckle and slid his hand onto Bucky’s back. “Because you like being fucked too much?”

Despite his obvious mood, Bucky cracked a smirk and took Steve’s hand to squeeze it before letting go as they walked outside into the Wakandan city. Side by side, but not too close together, they strolled to the car that was waiting for them. Steve opened the back door with all its blacked out windows and he and Bucky quickly got in. While the original plan was for Dr. Akiri to visit them in the base, today’s exam required specific equipment and brain imaging software that was only available in the medical center. They had to be quick and unseen to return to the base swiftly.

“Do you need anything from the store?” Asked the driver, a burly man named Savim.

Steve turned to Bucky, who shook his head. “No, I think we’re good.” After a moment, just before they were about to pass the store, he changed his mind. “Actually, can we get some ice cream?”

Bucky looked up and Steve saw his smile out the corner of his eye. He grinned at the brunette’s apparent excitement as the car pulled into the lot for the market.

“You two wait here.” Savim said.

“Steve volunteered, adjusting in his seat to get his wallet out. “Buck, you go and pick out what you want. Here.”

Taking the Wakandan notes Steve had gotten exchanged earlier that week, Savim left the car and locked it behind him as he headed off towards the market. Steve watched as he disappeared into the rows of vendors and shops, wishing he could go outside and experience the day. Instead, he sat tight and moved to put his wallet away, pushing something else in his pocket aside to do so. It was a white envelope he got from the lab, something Dr. Akiri handed to him without the other man knowing. While it wasn’t exactly burning a hole in said pocket, its presence put him on edge; he knew it wasn’t the right time to open it, but wasn’t sure when that would be.

A little while later, Savim returned with a small canvas bag and turned around in his seat to hand it to Steve. “Chocolate and vanilla, you didn’t mention which you preferred.

Steve smiled with a nod. “We like both. Thank you, Savim.”

“Yeah, thank you.” Bucky added and looked to Steve excitedly. He leaned in for a moment with lips puckered, but sat back in his seat once he remembered Savim could see them in the rear view mirror. “We’ll do some of that later, then.”

“In the pillow fort?”

Bucky smiled a little. “Sure, but you’re building it.”

Steve grinned. “Deal.”

-

While Bucky took a shower, Steve began collecting linens and pillows from around the odd little apartment. The only blankets he could find were from the bed, and so were the pillows. The weird couches didn’t have removable cushions, and the chairs in the dining area were fixed to the floor. _Well where’s the fun is that?_ Nothing else seemed to be suitable for a classic pillow fort, and Steve was running out of time since Bucky took pretty quick showers when he wasn’t getting pounded against the wet tile wall.

Soon, an awkward assembly of the unaffixed furniture was collected in the living area underneath a single sheet. Rubber bands held the fabric to the necks of two lamps in the front, and the other side was draped over the back of the weirdly-shaped couch. Underneath the white tent, Steve laid out the comforter from their bed as well as the 4 pillows. There wasn’t much else to add since there didn’t seem to be a linen closet or throw blankets or anything. He crawled out from the lackluster fort and found Bucky standing in his towel, a big smile across his glistening face as water dropped from his hair.

“Take it that you like my work.” Steve said whole bringing himself to his feet.

“It does look really cozy.”

“Don’t get your hopes up, feels like we’re laying on the floor since it’s just the comforter on it.”

Bucky shrugged and shook his head. “I’ve slept on worse.”

“You say that as if I haven’t slept on the same army cots you have.” Steve said with a chuckle.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Bucky moved forward to give his boyfriend a quick kiss. “I’ll be right back, I’m gonna go get dressed.”

“Alright, I’ll be here.” Steve walked over to the kitchen as Bucky headed off to the bedroom.

Rummaging through the drawers in the strangely-organized kitchen, Steve managed to find a spoon and continued his search in hopes of finding some form of cup, preferably glass. He didn’t find one, but did come across a substantially sized mug. _Close enough._ Into this mug he put a couple scoops of ice cream and poured milk over them. As teens, they joked it was the poor man’s milkshake since it was cheaper to order the ice cream and a separate cup of milk to add to it. It wasn’t quite a right, but Bucky sure did like it anyway.

By the time Bucky came back out, dressed in his boyfriend’s sweatpants and shirt, Steve was already cozied up in the fort holding the chilly mug. His eyebrow raised and he hurried over to crawl into it, his knees audibly touching the tile floor beneath them.

“Yeah,” the brunette began, “it’s not too comfy, but it is nice to be in a little tent like this. This… this reminds me of when we went camping in your living room… or was it my living room?”

“It was yours.” Steve smiled, handing him the mug and spoon.

“Did you mean to do that?” Bucky looked down into the mug, seeing one of his favorite delicacies in it. “The poor man’s milkshake? What is this, Stevie?”

“Just thought you’d be happier if I brought in some nice memories to make up for the bad ones we’ve had lately.” He adjusted himself in a futile attempt to get more comfortable. “Replicating the memory of the hard floor wasn’t exactly intentional, but there’s only so much you can do with one single comforter.”

Bucky laughed and brought a spoonful to his lips as he leaned against the back of the couch. “This really is nice. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Buck.” Steve leaned in and kissed the brunette, licking the ice cream print off his own lips.

Resting at his side while Bucky ate his ice cream, Steve found himself getting more and more comfortable. Maybe he was just getting used to the floor, or maybe it was being so close to Bucky and finally sharing a moment of peace for the first time in over a week. Either way, Bucky seemed to catch on and fell asleep shortly after finishing his snack. Brown hair tousled on his chest, Steve stroked his head until he too dozed off.

-

When Steve woke, it was in the late evening. Groggy from his nap, he rubbed his eyes and looked to Bucky, who was still asleep but visibly distressed. Face scrunched, the man tossed and turned over the comforter while whining in his sleep. Steve sat up instantly and put his hand on Bucky’s arm.

“Bucky?” He gently shook him. “Wake up, its okay-“

In an instant, the brunette shot straight up with a panicked yelp. “Steve?” He whimpered, whipping his head around to look for his boyfriend.

Steve’s hand was on his back right away and he slowly brought the other to the man’s cheek. “You’re okay, Buck, it was just a dream.”

“Steve, i-i-it was so real, it was just like I remember it.”

“Remember what?”

“The HYDRA facility they kept me at.” He rubbed his sweaty face, groaning as he pressed his hands to his eyes. “They we’re putting me under but it was different than usual, I was on a table and they gave me a mask but I didn’t fall asleep like they wanted me to.”

Steve gulped. “So, do you think this is a real memory?”

“I don’t think so… I would have had to be asleep for it.”

“For what?”

“The surgery. When they did this to me.”

“Buck…” Steve breathed, almost afraid to hear more.

“I dreamt…” His voice cracked and he paused to take a deep breath. “I dreamt I was awake for the surgery and I watched them cut me open and sew me back up like nothing happened.”

Steve pulled Bucky close and he cried against his chest where he had just fallen asleep so peacefully mere hours ago.

“It’s okay, Buck.” He whispered, stroking his head as before. “It’s just a bad dream.”

Pulling himself together for a moment, Bucky sniffled and separated from Steve. “In the dream I would have had a scar,” he dragged a finger down his lower belly, “right here. But I’ve never seen one anywhere, so how can I even know what really happened?”

Steve sat up more and grabbed his phone. “Can I?” He gestured to Bucky’s shirt.

With the distraught man’s approval, Steve lifted up the baggy shirt and shined the flashlight on the swell of his middle, looking around for any sign of scarring. At first, it didn’t seem as if there was one, but when he looked in the thin line of hair below his naval, he saw it.

“I found it.” He said finally.

Bucky shot straight up. “What? Where?”

Steve knew Bucky wouldn’t be able to see it clearly from his angle, so he took a picture with flash and handed the phone to him. “It’s just a short, white-pink line in the hair. I can’t believe they did all that with such a small incision.”

Bucky stared at the picture for only a few moments before dropping the phone and bursting into tears again. Steve could only guess he felt more invaded than he previously thought, seeing the physical proof of an event he has no real memory of; he knew that had to be tough.

“It’s okay,” Steve soothed, pulling Bucky in for a hug, “they can’t do anything to you anymore.”

Face buried in Steve’s neck, Bucky sobbed. “I wish it was all a dream. The surgery, it, everything.”

Steve sighed, rubbing his boyfriend’s back. “I know, me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked this chapter and caught on with the couple of neat things I threw in there ^__^ Please let me know what you think, I love to hear from you!!


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